Life is funny sometimes, sometimes it is just what we expect it to be but even when it goes the way it is supposed to it can pack a wallop we may not be ready for.
How is that possible to go as expected yet still surprise us and leave us breathless and stunned, unable to ascertain what should be the next logical and ..yes expected step?
Today’s Mental Moment
is about life, how fragile it can be and how even when thing go the way they are “supposed” to, i.e. in the proper order of things that have been going that way for eons, it doesn’t make it easier to bear. It doesn’t change our grief.
It is also dedicated to my dear friend, and to his mother.
Many of you know El Guapo – just some guy as he like to tell it but from where I sit, he is a friend not only unerringly to me, but to many here in the blogoshpere. He cares about people, he cares about people he doesn’t know and had never met. He wants and seems to have the idyllic simple life with his wife the infamous (or is she famous now that we are all in love with her? I never get those right. Matters a wit not for she is his and he is hers.) Go to work, bloggity blog, read everyone else’s blogs. goof around on Twitter, be silly, go to a concert, drink a pint and in his heyday, I heard he danced naked on bars. He would love to have the great adventure – the reason he began blogging and never once has he let me down when I needed a friend.
He is smart enough and funny enough and gosh darn it – people really really like him.
The last three or so months, his life has been a little more complicated by having to make a trip uptown on a bus or train or maybe both, nearly everyday to visit his mom who has been, was … who was sick in the hospital. It has been a long three or so months but I rarely ever heard him complain. Yes he was tired, yes it messed with his schedule, but he did it as a dutiful son, a loving and devoted son from where I view it, a son I can only hope that one of my three will have so much dedication to me when I am sick, and in the hospital someday.
In life there seems to be a natural order of things. You are born, you grow, whether mature is subjective, you get older, your parents get older, you take care of your parents, your parents die.
If things go out-of-order, say you have to bury a child, it is sometimes seemingly unbearable.
Yet, when our parents pass, should we feel less because it is the natural order of things?
After all they have been with us since the day we drew our first breath. That is forty some odd years. That is a long time to have someone in your life and then to suddenly…not.
Even if they were sick and it was expected, the time is never certain, the fragility is that at a moments notice, the time has come. Should you be better prepared because we are supposed to bury our parents?
Grief is a journey, you can not go around it or over or under it, in order to heal, you must always, always go through it. Everyone grieves in their own way in their own time, taking a detour that might be awhile from their regular life, or a few moments back to the door that is your life but one thing is certain, no matter how it is “supposed to happen” there will always and forever from that day on, be a space where once was your mom, or your dad.
I can not fathom the thought.
So be it natural or expected, do not let it deter you from the path you need to go. Feel what you feel. We will all be here for you my friend and I know you are in good hands with TMWGITU to help.
For the rest of us, take a moment to think about life and how we take it for granted and how we do too take for granted that because it goes as it should, it shouldn’t be so hard. Bullshit.
We are but fragile beings on this earth for a short time.
Guapman, you are a living legacy to your mother because there is not a man as good and true and upstanding as you are that did not learn these things starting with his Mother.
She was I can tell, just by who you are, a good and lovely woman. I won’t tell you she is in a better place, or any of that, just that my very dear friend my sadness for your loss is endless…I am a mother, and I have a mother and I can not begin to think how it feels.
Rest in Peace the mother of my friend, I think had I met you, I would have told you about your son, some of the things you maybe didn’t know that he does, I would have thanked you for he is a friend I can always count on. And, I probably would have shown you a few Veggie Tale Videos and asked you kindly to talk some sense into him. But mostly, I am sure I would have liked you very much too.
Grieving is for the living, we must do it as it comes. It won’t always be this way…but it too will never be the same.
To Your Mental State, Whatever it may be…..
17 thoughts on “How Fragile We Are, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment”
it is very true that it does not matter how old or what the reason of the passing of your parent…there is a void in your life. But thank goodness there are the memories that may not be present in the midst of your grief but later when some of the grief subsides..they are of great comfort. My mother was so much a part of my life and when she died things just didn’t seem like they were as they should be. So my condolences are to El Guapo in his loss….Diane
thanks Diane – I don;know how I will do it .. My parents still help me and take care of me and my kids – and I just can;t imagine one of them not being here
A truly beautiful post, Lizzie… thank you for reminding us all of things we can tend to overlook in our lives…. I’ve noticed you do that a lot, which only shows what a sensitive, caring person you are…. I can only agree with you about El Guapo, though I’m not as familiar with him as are you, I know from observation that he is indeed a good man. Take care, & Blessed Be, sister…
blessings to you and thank you for the kind words. It is good to see you…
We love us some Guaperella! And TMWGITU! And Mama Guap!
And we love us some Lizzie as well- your words are spot on and a fitting tribute!
thanks – I hope so
No. Whether we do it in order or out of order, as I have done both and the other as well, it still just bites.
Much love to you and Guapo and TMWGITU </3 Rest well, Ma.
sometimes I think the things people say…are just hot air…whose to say how anyone should can or will grieve… in order out of order it is loss
Funny. I wrote a book about how we grieve. It is very clear about “Things in this mirror may not apply to you”. Although, I have found, regardless of how brief, we all pull at least one stunt. Most of us get stuck on one stage or the other (or revisit 483 times). Just because we do it differently, does not mean we all do not end up in the same place…enter the butterflies. ❤
Beautiful Lizzie! Got me crying! and speechless.
thanks – its just..what I had to give.
Thank you Lizzie for putting what so many of us are feeling into beautiful words. I am feeling very sad for El Guapo today & wish there was something I could do or say to help him with his grief.
me too..and this is all I could come up with..nothing much but its all I had
I am printing this out and hanging it at home and at my desk.
And words fail me for expressing my thanks, Lizzie.
none needed at all. It’s so hard when a friend is hurting to know what to do. I went with my feeling and hope it led me to something that provided comfort, perhaps small, but some, in at least knowing that you are much cared about by many and however grief looks for you, you will have any help and support you need on the way from those of us who have the honor of calling you friend…
And I wont even try to steal TMWGITU ..for awhile 😉 like I have a chance anyways 😕
Just more proof of how much you rock, LizzieC!
😉 sometimes I roll too – after I eat too many donuts but I don;t typically tell..like a weeble wobble..