The Why of It

Running naked with scissors may not seem like the smartest thing to do but done conscientiously and with purpose,  it is a liberating experience. It describes my life before;  willy nilly impulsive,  crazy, unplanned and passively rebelious.  And now.   To me it has become a conscientious protest to the expectations that everyone should fit into a specific standard and to the stigma associated with having Bipolar Disorder.

I am a 42 year old single mother of 6 great kids all beautiful and unique.  I am Bipolar and have always struggled to find my place and purpose in life.  I have done a lot of things.   I have been a lot of things.  Most of my life before now,  I followed the rules, trying to not make waves – although I did anyways.  I felt like if I could just fit in, think the right things and do the right things, I would feel right, whole,  accepted.

At some point I changed my perspective and I realized I only did what I did and believed what I believed because I was told what I was told.

After waking up  and  learning to be comfortable as me….unique quirky me..instead of always feeling like I had a wedgie  and desperately wanting to yank it out,  I wondered would any of my haphazrd life lessons be of value to anyone else trying to fit in .

Similar to the sense of relief that you get from getting over your fear that someone will see you picking your butt,  and actually grabbing the damn wedgie,   finally accepting that you are different (whether it’s mental illness,  appearance,  sexual preference, or any other gazillion things ) and that its ok……is priceless.

The struggle to create my own rules and standards has been  hard  but much better and a heck of a lot more fun than than trying to fit into everybody else’s.  Learning to embrace being bipolar instead of feeling cursed along with the wisdom that comes from aging that surely is a common phenomenon,  has freed me to be my true self,  and not apologize for it.

Maybe I have something to say  that  will touch  someone else, inspire them to be themselves. Maybe something I say will bring another person with Bipolar out of despair. Or help ease another Moms guilt at being a unconventional parent.

Maybe I will inspire. At the very least I will make some think, and some laugh, and some think and laugh.

Who knows?

Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar Disorder (Photo credit: SheriW1223)

12 thoughts on “The Why of It

  1. I like your sentiment that running with scissors is a liberating experience; that certain air of danger and yet goes against everything you were taught as a child.

    Depression tore my life apart and so my humble statement to the world is my blog. I started two weeks ago and already feel a little lighter, I write on good days and bad just to see the distance I have travelled.

    I too have a mantra; “You will not learn anything from my blogg but it may help you forget something” That’s all I want really, just to be a phonetic friend to anyone who tries to write.

    Whilst I am not a “blogger” in the truest sense of the word ie posting shopping lists and what the inside of my fridge looks like, I stick to my poetry. I admire your honesty.

    Keep going, keep posting, look back now and again just to admire the view from where you are now standing.

    I hope you have a big subconscience, I feel I am going to be a frequent visitor.


    1. Dave,
      Thank you for your kind words and supportive wishes. I too just started after realizing that this may be a better canvas than a sketchbook for me. Or maybe the 2 combined.
      I too feel lighter, nd as if I am getting t oreally know myselg more than I ever have. I have always loved to read and write and my Grandfather was a madman about punctuation and grammar and word usage. ”
      My thought was just to try this and maybe you uunderstand that eve na decision like that can be excruciating before you even put your thoughts on the paper. screen, however it is referred to now.

      I love the simplicity of your writing. You say so much with fewer words. I admire that and strive to at least have the abiility so that if I want t just say oops I saw a butterfly, I can clearly get my meaning across in much less than 1800 woirds. I am sure I will be a freqyuent visior to you as well. iwas enthralled this morning ….I am actually on the manic side lately so possibly it will be a nice balance. we can strike.

  2. Hi,

    Candida has nominated you and your blog as an ideal candidate for the Mental Health Writers’ Guild and having had a chance to read your blog I can see why.

    The Mental Health Writers’ Guild was recently started in order to provide a recognizable community for those bloggers and writers who include Mental Health and Mental Well-being as one of the main themes and who do so in a positive way.

    I am really pleased to have been able to read through your blog and really enjoyed what I have read so far (apologies for not having read more but I am unwell at the moment) and would love for you to join the guild. It is free and voluntary and no added expectations are placed upon our members.

    Why not check out our blog and if interested just let me know,

    Many thanks and Kind Regards.

      1. Hi,

        Really pleased that you have decided to join, I have added your blog to the Guild Members page. Please feel free to visit it and copy the members logo and display it on your blog should you wish to.

        Nice meeting you
        Kind Regards,


      2. Thank you. I will click over and do that in just a bit. This is really neat as it comes at a time when I feel like I am finding a purpose and helping show a more positive side of a crappy illness. I wasn’t sure if I am helping or not. It was lightbulb then Candida said she would like to nominate me and I got an inspirational blogger award….and now I think maybe I am on the right path. It truly is an honor.
        ~Blessed are the Cracked, for they shall let in the light. Groucho Marx

  3. Hi there! My name is Pam, and I found you through the Crazy Chics Club! Nice to “meet” you! I thought I would stop by and say hello (I’m a little behind on reaching out to new members, SO sorry).

    Love what I’ve seen on your blog so far, so I’ve subscribed. Us Crazy Chicks have got to stick together! Can’t wait to read more. Xoxo Pam

    1. Hi Pam!! Thanks so much. I know I have gotten way behind in my reading & meeting and stuff. My internet should be up and running again tomorrow.. I hope 🙂 I will gladly take the time to come visit you too 🙂

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