A Moment of Reflection, What’s in the Box

Sometimes it seems that life, that which happens when we are trying to get where we want to be, can be better than getting to where we want to be.  The journey better than the destination.

This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

Or maybe it is the destination that is the sweetest and the journey is what we reflect on after we get there.  I am not sure.

But, I am happy.

Having moved, I guess it is easy to point out that I am at one destination, and now that the hassle and the stress and the crap is over, of course I am happy, and it is indeed, then, the destination.   I think of it more as a pit stop.   A potty break if you want to get really plain about it.   Where I am now is not where I saw myself being five years ago, but I am not at all unhappy about the difference.

Each milestone in our lives is indeed a destination, planned or not, and the path to get there is not always the easiest or fastest way to go.  Yet if we measure our lives only by the things ahead of us, the goals we have, the dreams we reach for,  the aspirations that we try so very hard for and that sometimes dictate every step of the way,  are we not missing the real point?

Living.  Life.  Just being.

There will come a day when there is no more ahead of us. No more time that is.  As humans, we should always have a dream or goal, always try to be better everyday than we were the day before.   I for one don’t want the day that my number is called to be regretful because I was only trying to get to point Z, and having not made it, and run out of time, feel that my life was a failure.

Everything we do, every part of the journey is a lesson. Reaching one destination, we should always aspire for the next.   Achieving a goal, we should always make a new one.  Or deciding that goal is not within our reach, that the limitations of our bodies, for surely if it were up to only our minds, we could and would achieve greatness, each and every one of us.

Goal Orientations

My mind takes me to spectacular heights, and having a mental illness, maybe it is my mind that holds me back from the achieving, maybe it is my mind that puts the limitations on me, but my mind can dream endlessly anyways.

Rather than barreling through every step to get to where our next milestone, destination,  or goal awaits, taking pause at each step and embracing it and thinking about what we learned from what just happened seems a more fulfilling way to exist.  That to me is living.  It’s annoying to some that know me.  I don’t plan. I fly by the seat of my pants. I just do and feel and be.

The inherent problem with that kind of living is I suppose, more stress sometimes.  For example, moving.  If I had planned better and thought things out more thoroughly, maybe it would have been a smooth transition.  As it was, it took a little longer, and the emotional investment was more than I thought, and I lost some things that I had.  But they were just things.

I had a thought while we were pulling stuff from the closets, and stuffing things into boxes that I didn’t really need all this stuff.  Granted, it isn’t ALL mine, but I have quite a few boxes of stuff from my past lives that I just can’t seem to let go of.  The funny thing, or highly annoying thing, depending on your point of view, is that I haven’t even opened them and only have a glimmer of an idea if what is in them.

I haven’t opened them since moving from Nevada to here how many years ago.  Yet when the opportunity to unburden myself of this extra baggage arises, such as in a hasty unplanned and ill prepared move,  I just can not bring myself to do it.  I think my biggest thought is that some of the kids baby pictures may be in there.  The ones I know I have somewhere, yet can;t seem to locate.  At least that is what my brain tells me, and I cling tightly to them with every intention of opening them after we are settled in the new place and the dust clears.   That never seems to happen because of course then the sense of urgency is gone.

Maybe that is how my brain limits me from goals that are not for me.  By hanging on to the past, in the form of tangible, stuff that weighs me down. I kinda feel like it marks my journey I guess.  Reminds me of how I got to the destination.

I won’t be a different person without this stuff.  Just a lighter version.  I am afraid if I let it go I will forget.  I think that is the truth behind it.

One thing I have learned over the last years is that the truly great things, and the really bad things, and the things that really mean something, are not in a box, and throwing a box away, even if it has pictures, will not take away those things that you are meant to hang on to.  The things that made you who you are, that taught you the lessons that formed your way of life.

So as I sit here on my patio, and the sun is setting on this fine Spring day that has offered me, once again, a place to rest and a new starting point to my next potty break,  I have come to a conclusion and made a decision.

It’s ok that I don;t know where I am going.  I will get there one way or another.  Life like this may have room for more regret but also more surprises and certainly less disappointment.  I will just take joy in each day.  Live, love and laugh.  And hope.

Oh, and never stop dreaming.

One goal I have is that when I die, everything that I own, is down to only the things I loved and held special meaning and things I needed to live day-to-day.  That I will have either by then passed all my boxes on to my children to sift through the pieces of my life and keep what they would like, or I have just been able to let go.  And all that I have that marks the steps of my journey to that destination, will fit into one box.

Ok, maybe two.

Journey Into My Mind
Journey Into My Mind (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Lizzie Cracked (not broken – at all)

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15 thoughts on “A Moment of Reflection, What’s in the Box”

  3. I like your attitude about not having regrets at the end of our lives. Each time I move I get a little lighter as I weed out what I thought I needed & didn’t. I hope to soon only have a couple of boxes too.

    1. thank you – I am lightening up a little every time – funny story though when I was going through my desk drawer I picked up one thing that goes to my desktop computer and looked at it and thought oh I won’t need this again – right next to it were three or four phone line filters for the internet which I know I won;t need either… so getting everything together I need the one thing I tossed – and it was the ONLY thing I tossed from that drawer… see now the next time I will be afraid to toss anything yet again…sigh… well I really have downsized and it has made my spirit lighter too…

  4. Beautiful thoughts, lizziec.
    I wholeheartedly agree with everything in it. And sometimes, the travel from A to B isn’t the more important thing, it’s the only thing. Until the next thing…

  5. “Rather than barreling through every step to get to where our next milestone, destination, or goal awaits, taking pause at each step and embracing it and thinking about what we learned from what just happened seems a more fulfilling way to exist. ”

    That says it all. A wise and wonderful post Lizzie. I’m so glad you’re happy in your new place!! It’s aways fun to be all unpacked in a new place! Best feeling ever! 😀

    1. I know right? the unpacking is fun… and deciding where stuff goes – here is a little know secret – well ok it’s a secret that I am now telling you 🙂 This is the first place I have moved into on my own – that I started out alone in – as in my own room and bathroom from the get go…. it’s actually an ok feeling… is that kinda pathetic..or neat? I dunno..

      1. Oh I think that is soooo cool Lizzie! You very own space and bathroom. It doesn’t get any better! I’m telling you, you are goingto LOVE it! There’s just nothing better. In my opinion anyway! 🙂

  7. Obviously, moving was the right thing for you…. a very beautiful piece. I’m happy your new home makes you happy, and that it gave you the opportunity to come to this state of wisdom and perspective….

    Oh, and BTW, I’m getting sick of this Emperor job… you guys can have it! Contact Ginger, and let her know we can schedule the transition party whenever the Indigo Girls are free…or at least available…. then let me know, & I’ll set up the change-over apparatus…. ‘kay? ‘Kay!

    Take care, my friend, and Blessed Be….

    1. thank you 🙂 it’s odd how I feel more..settled, in mind as well as spirit. It’s sooo different from the place we were and I am looking at it as a chance to change some bed habits and just start living again.. oh! I know I promised the landlord story – it just keeps getting better and better – if I don;t do a post just about that – or add it to Happy Talk tomorrow… then I promise I will tell you the whole story anyways – 🙂

      I’ll tell Ginger and we will prepare for the takeover…kay! lol.

      1. Cool, my near dormant taste for gossip can’t wait to hear it… if you wish to keep it off WP Comments, you can use my email, which is alphagigoid@gmail.com
        More private, ultimately, if that matters…. and I trust you not to abuse me, or it, by giving it out to your landlord or anybody…. 🙂 I did leave Ginger a reply & told her to book the Girls….don’t know if she’s seen it yet…. later, O pre-ascension-Empress…. your beatuficence or your maliquishousness, or whatever….

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