I just checked my account again, for about the 800th time this week, just to see if maybe my child support is there….
I have hope. Much of the time anyways. What?
I know ..doing the same thing over and over and over, expecting a different result. Insanity.
Not necessarily. I just think its optimism. And I am already crazy so… what’s your point?
Today’s Mental Moment
is about insanity or optimism’
depends on how you look at it.
Have you ever noticed that a child who throws a temper tantrum has a lot of stubborn will and stamina? The ones you see (hear) in the grocery store or elsewhere in public that go on and on and on for hours aren’t just doing it to hear themselves screech ya know. They are trying to bend the parents, yea the ones who have forcefully already said no a half dozen times plus 10, to their will and get their way.
And they keep going because somewhere. sometime, they learned that there is a point that said parents will relent. How do they learn this?
Well babies cry to get their needs met, and they learn quickly that if the parents don’t come right away, as their discomfort worsens and their cries escalate, they at some point will have their needs met. Its instinct. They can’t talk.
Little babies are not naughty for getting all pissed off and screaming at the top of their lungs.. but as they get older they start to realize they have power over the world and people in the world.
They drop a toy, someone will pick it up, they make raspberry noises, someone laughs, they draw on a wall with permanent marker, black in a rented house, they better run and hide.
They learn what is acceptable behavior and often how acting out can actually get them what they want faster than waiting for an atta kid from a distracted parent.
If they test this theory by say screaming and yelling as loud as they can in the middle of the grocery store because you said no they can’t have the $8 toy only the $.99 one and their little brains tell them they MUST HAVE the more expensive one because little brains can not fathom that the picture on the back, showing the toy flying through the air on its own steam, is put there for the simple reason that kids don’t get why or even how someone could mislead them for capital gain and also that if the picture on the box were a true depiction of the toys capabilities, it would cost hell of a lot more than $8 and you probably wouldn’t be able to purchase it in a grocery store, and the parent, horribly mortified at the dirty looks they are getting and the ruckus their child is causing hastily puts the toy in the cart and runs to the next aisle, well then there ya go, they just figured out that they get rewarded for bad behavior faster than they do for good and often and they get a $8 toy instead of the puny $.99 .
They learn that when Mom says
no means no
she really means no unless they throw a temper tantrum.
Once they learn this about one thing, they are quick to apply it to every part of their lives and before you know it anytime you say no about anything that the child wants, the show starts and the child has become what the rest of society refers to as a brat.
Now lets say the parents are completely worn out, tired of getting dirty looks and told that they should just give the bratty child a good butt whooping… or maybe that they just realize that they aren’t doing their child any favors by giving in to the bratty demanding behavior and they change the rules of the game in an effort the change the childs behavior.
They start a policy of no tolerance and instead of rewarding the temper tantrum, they do things like, immediately leave the store child in tow. It doesn’t take too many times for the child to see that they not only will not get the $8 toy, they didn’t get the $.99 toy AND there is nothing to eat because Mom had to leave it there.
Or in the case of bedtime they learn to sooth themselves because they have to and this in turn teaches them how to fall asleep quickly and they have good sleeping habits through life.
THat all sounds so easy, like the parent is just going to change their ways nad the child will go along with it and life will be easier with a peace and calm and the parent will enjoy going to the grocery store and strolling through the aisles taking he time to read each label to ensure the best nutrition for their family all with a serene smile on their face while their happy behaved child keeps their paws to themselves and is a perfect angel.
I am going to tell you real quick that believing that is the real definition of insanity. Just saying.
In real life what happens is, the parent changes the rules mid game, the child utterly confused will most likely escalate the behavior because they don;t know what else to do to get their way, in other words push harder to test the parents and in a nutshell, it gets a whole heck of a lot worse before it gets better.
What they dont tell you as parents is if you are going to change the rules, you better not ever bend or break them in the period of time you are teaching the child the new game. If you do, then you have just shown the little angels that you still have a point that you will give in and the next time they want something they will act worse than before.
If you give in to a crying child at bedtime when you are bound and determined to have them going to bed and to sleep without the nightly production, and in the first few weeks of implementing this rule, you go longer and longer before you give in and go lay down with them so they will go to sleep, you are teaching them that if they keep crying, you will relent. If you only give in once in a while then you may never have peace and quiet again until Jr goes away to college, at 30.
It a good indicator of your child’s view on the world too. Whether they see the glass half empty or half full . If you only give in once a month after 4 hours of crying, and they still cry every night, its safe to say that the child has an optimistic outlook full of hope, nevermind the determination it takes to keep up that level of effort.
It’s not insanity, it is optimism.
It’s a good way to view things, optimistically. Give you something to look forward to, and although 9 out of 10 times you may not get that which you are after, there is that one time that you win.
Hope is better than giving up. I am not saying that children continuing to throw tantrums to get their way is something you should accept because it means they are optimistic… that was an illustration of how sometimes hope can foster determination which is not insanity…
Don’t be so quick to judge someone who continues to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.
If its someone who has an effect on your life, or you are friends with, or their actions in someway… affect you, talk to them. take the time to ask them what they want to see happen, what the desired end result is.
Ask them, are you insane or eternally optimistic?
There are people who face seemingly unbeatable odds every single day and don’t give up on their hopes and dreams for a minute, rarely allow themselves to think that what they are heading for won’t happen. They keep trying, over and over and over, until one day, they are rewarded for their action.
All it takes is once for some, to keep going even if it is one time out of 15 or one out of 1000,. It does seem insane I guess but it definitely is optimistic. (Really though there probably was something different that one time.. something little but yeah something different.)
This has to he a good theory because there just can’t be that many insane people in the world.
But there could be that many Optimists. I have hope. And I like my glass half full.
To your Mental State, Whatever it may be.