A Single Mom’s (ok, Dad’s too) Summer Survival Guide Part 2; Now What?

Last Year;

Ah the promise that title holds. especially if you are a struggling single mom and if you are a newbie to singledom with offspring, you may have clicked on it hoping to have the magic answer to your questions and not have to reinvent the wheel of surviving while the kids are out if school all summer.

So it began last year with Part 1 of the almost popular, coulda been a best seller   practical guide to being a single Mom (yes..Dad too ) and surviving the summer as such.

If you missed it you can catch it right HERE in a different window so I don;t lose you, or wait for the brief summary father down the page.  Up to you, I am here for you and want you to be happy.  Go ahead if you want, and I don’t need to say hurry back, you will be jumping to get part 2 at the end.  (waves the hand in a Jedi sort of mind trick manner)

If you still missed it, try this one —–>  PART ONE

Not maybe what anyone looking for advice may have really wanted but still – it got a lot of attention and as promised and even earlier than expected, or right on time since this month is rolling by at a heated pace.  Besides, I specialize in unsolicited advice for a reason.

It’s hot here, really hot.  Is it hot where you are?

Oh ok sorry…

single parenting

light reading for the summer months

In a rather impractical disquisition, I covered  the pros and cons of hitchhiking and…  No, wait that was something else.

The pros and cons of being a single parent and wanting vs needing time to yourself as a matter of keeping sane, especially if the  noncustodial parent is out-of-town or state and this is your only break from the joy of parenting.

We looked at ways to safely yet creatively get rid of the kids for the summer and how it is the number one things you must do if you want to have some you time and you are a single parent in a situation of being the only parent 92% or more of the time and the other parent has court papers awarding them the right to make it more like the deal you signed on for rather than something you don’t recognize as ever being consulted about the real deal before getting divorced.  You may not be married to the father (mother) of your kids but there is no divorce from being a parent.

Yes I know people try but that’s for some other part of this subject (maybe in 3 -5 years or I get a book deal and an advance.. ) and try as they might, they still have offspring and whether they step up or not, they have offspring.  Period.

Back to solo gig you did not sign up for (most likely) 

Some highlights, important to make part of your daily recourse in your head in order to start the summer survival of a single parent;

  • YOU TIME  is not selfish or something to feel guilty for.  Refer to part one for reasons.  It can actually make you a better parent in the long run and does NOT MEAN YOU DON:T LOVE YOUR KIDS.  I know, it’s annoying written that way but oh so important.  I don;t make a habit out of Caps so I hope you take that into consideration with how important I think that statement is.
  • Seek validation every once in a blue moon from non mommy (daddy) related activities and from non offspring humans. (not to be confused with non human offspring..please)
  • Get rid of them (for the summer) 
  • You are not a less than parent for wanting a break
  • Guilt is not a trip you wanna take as a single parent (guilt sucks no matter what )  don’t do it.

Which brings us to..

So now here we are, another summer looming before us and assuming you took my advice last year, it is awfully quiet because the kids are one way or another, creatively and temporarily – out of sight and mind.

My kids have been gone a week and I haven’t thought of them since three days ago.  Ok three minutes but really the point is, don’t mope.

We shall put that as number one

Do NOT Mope.  – they are coming back.  If you need another wake up call in a few hours let me know I will be happy to remind you for a very nominal fee.

or

Make yourself a big sign and post it somewhere you will see it only occasionally, since putting it in our constant line of vision, like on the refrigerator, only ensures we will not be affected by the message at all.reminder, single parent summersurvival

All summer (whatever that looks like in your particular region may seem like forever to you but it will go fast and if you mope the whole time or even more than 1% – you will kick your self when they come back and you wonder why didn’t you…???

So they are gone and you have moped for a minute and have the tools in place to not give in to sudden onset of moping over the rest of the summer…

Now What?  

Now folks, fellow single moms (and dads), we have fun.

We do what WE want to do not what we HAVE to do, and enjoy our break and me(you) time to the fullest.

Well Duh… you want to know how right?  Or how do you do it without feeling like a shmuck bad parent?  Or what doing for you means ?

I can’t tell you all those things – I mean I could but a lot of this stuff is doing and I can tell you all day long but until you do it, you won’t know it.

Kinda like the rest of life but anyways, let’s start with a list.

Things I want to do but haven’t had time for since I devote every bit of energy (gladly) to my children in a solo gig I didn;t sign on for when I had kids:

(feel free to change the name of it to something that works for you or fits better on your smartphone memo screen) 

Do not be afraid of this list or to put anything on it that you feel is sorely lacking during the rest of the year as a single parent devoted to their children, this list is for you unless you choose to share it with others so don’t fudge it and shortchange yourself.  This is your time.

WITHOUT KIDS…

(but they will be back!  no Moping!)

So, being a solo gaggle herder myself and for the greater good and educational value to all single parents trying to survive the summer,( hell all parents but I can’t cover it all in one year) I will show you my list.

  1. sex
  2. impromptu weekend getaway with someone of the opposite sex for sex.
  3. out to eat without happy meals or stupid mommy and so and so sitting in a tree accompaniments.  (do not introduce your kids to your dates ever.  Even after you marry them.  We will cover that in Part 8) followed by heavy breathing and parking in some low lit place to act like stupid teenagers again and not worry about the cops calling your mom.
  4. Sex would be nice some day
  5. Shopping without buying anything
  6. nothing.
  7. dancing to the …oh wait I do that when they are here.
  8. rolling in the hay, surf, sheets, I don;t care.

Now this list seems a little single-minded and I urge you in the future to keep a running list during the year.

Why?

Well, when they are here you can think of ten things, I will bet, off the top of your head, you want to or can do without the children around.  Your hobbies or places to go or a class you want to take.

Once they are gone and if you are like most single parents when it comes to dating and sex, it will hit you that you haven;t had sex in (fill in your own number  – you think I am gonna embarrass tell on myself?)years, months whatever it is ..

If you don’t have a list of other things already in mind before it dawns on you …  well once you get sex on the brain, its hard to get it out.  Until you have it or something .

We are going to areas I have not too much expertise in as far as how to get back on track and if having it is a good way to get back on track.

Or if  you just want more.  I think I will have to research it some more.

Rotations around arbitrary axes are achieved b...

Rotations around arbitrary axes are achieved by aligning a parent. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The point here is that after they leave and under a little pressure, like the pressure to fill your kid free time to the fullest with non kid activities is not the time to decide what to do.

Whether or not your list ends up looking like mine, its similar to walking in to the grocery store saying milk, bread, cheese, tampons.  Seems easy enough but the minute you hit that door you are gonna forget something.

Most likely the tampons and the peanut butter.  Just saying.

If you aren’t prepared, you won’t do much.  That I do know for a fact.

Don’t go nuts acting like someone your kids wouldn’t recognize.

Don;t do something you normally never thought appealing just because you can.

If you go too far to the extreme of no kids, you will have a hard time going back to mom (or dad) mode when they return and if you have too much fun you might hold a little resentment, which is ridiculously unnecessary because if they were to stay away maybe only a day or two more, you would naturally come back to being yourself.

If you do go way to the other extreme of how you are with them, start a few days before they come back to bring it back to you, and don’t get mad at them if you aren’t there yet when they get back.

It’s not their fault.  Always remember your kids didn;t sign up for this either. Even less than you.

Enjoy your break, and do not feel guilty for doing so.

It will make you a better parent to have some you time.  I said it before and there I said it again.

No matter what you do, look at your sign and remind yourself they will be back,  because they, barring the worst extremes in human behavior by your ex or other natural disasters, or unforeseen dealings of life, will be back.

You can’t really ever not be a parent.  They will always be in your mind and heart.

You don;t have to be perfect and it may take you a few times without the kids to find your non mommy or daddy rhythm to life.  That’s ok.  Don’t beat yourself up.

It;s life.

Part three of the Single Mom;s (Dad’s too) Summer Survival Guide -

How to get laid not married…

is due out at the end of the month if not sooner.  Stay tuned.

Thank me later and get too making those lists people.  It’s as vital as getting rid of the kids.  Without a list and no kids you are in danger of doing too much… or nothing at all.

Let’s do more than survive.

Let’s  live a little. ;-)

butterfliespurpleflit

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13 responses to “A Single Mom’s (ok, Dad’s too) Summer Survival Guide Part 2; Now What?

  1. Um, I guess I won’t tell you how my Father’s Day started yesterday.

    BTW, you have a bi-polar brother, here. started new meds last week…weeeeee!

    • Why not? Oh.. wait..

      Yea how? Oh..ohhhhh . Ok
      Well damn at least someone is gettin it .. (we sre talking abkut IT right? Just checking)

      Ok . So..I’m curious. No we are past IT on to the wheeeeee meds..bipolar.. hit me up in email?

      How are you doing? I realize thix is late ..like two weeks. I’ve been struggling. Not on any at the moment.

    • Thanks Diane. I havent done much …again. I think maybe I’ve been a mom so long I dont know what to do with myself. Huge difference between wants and truth sometimes.. how are you? ♥

      • Slowly recovering some issues.. ribs are better than they were but still uncomfortable…If I sneeze or cough it flares up still… The tiredness is ongoing as still haven’t got to the ENT re blockage in sinus area… and so can’t lay down to sleep…still in lazy boy….Hoping that things settle down in next 3 weeks as we are set to go on trip for our 50th…I really need to feel stronger… ..Thanks for asking Lizzie…p.s. note I did not say the proverbial ….better or good thanks…lol

  2. When I was a single parent, I didn’t have the summer. I had every other week no kids time and needed and liked it. After a while I lost the guilt and sex into the calendar. Nope, I didn’t get married! <3 Thanks!

    • Gail ..you are a wild woman.. ;-) I think every other week would be more conducive to having a relationship.. I get 8 weeks..but as yet..they have yet to be the shining glory I wish for… usually its just the same.. ♥

  3. Lizzie! I don’t think there’s a single thing in here that you left out!! I hope you have a wonderful, fantastic, sky’s the limit summer!! You have certainly earned it!! :D And you’re right!! Don’t mope they will be coming back sooner than you think!

    • Ahh I cant help it I miss them and things seem a lot more grounded and stuff with them here…my summer.. well there is still hope but its been a slow stsrt.. I think the he t here addles peoples brains..they act like big jerkity jerk jerks.. oh well hope your summernis going good. I cant remember but I thnk our grandaughters are pretty closr together..? I am babysitting a Lot so..it really isnt much of a difference in the freedom I have but I feel like I went throigh a time warp…I’m just not as oblivious as I was with minr and damned if I know how I carted the lottle oned around ..a trip to the grocery store takes twice thebrevovety time and usually I realize I keft a few marbles there…they alwsys k eep them for me tho .. ♥

      • Oh it is fun being a grandma though isn’t it? My grandaughter is almost 6 months and my grandson is 3 months and then I’ve got a 4 year old grandson too. I have a ton of fun with him. We go to the store and we get this cart that has a car attached to the back of it so that when I’m pushing it it’s very dangerous. It’s like 12 feet long. I almost took out a wine display last time I went. It’s only a matter of time Lizzie. HA!

        Oh I don’t know how you stand the heat in Arizona. It’s 103 right now degree heat here and it’s exhausting! Almost too hot to go outside. I’m almost afraid to ask how hot it is there!

        Anyway, I hope you have a very restful summer Lizzie! :D

  4. Pingback: Single Mom’s (ok Dad’s too) Summer Survival Guide – Pt 3; Sometimes you just have to wing it | Running Naked With Scissors·

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