Yes Vagina, There is a Santa Clause

I have put together a list of awkward moments with the intention of

The first issue of Cracked. Art by Bill Everett.

Image via Wikipedia

posting them someday.  The need I guess arises from the curiosity of whether the cracked things I do on a daily basis are common.  The NEED to know that I am not the only one who has these little brain farts that sometime end up with me doing the only thing I can do.  Laugh.

An interesting thing for someone who has decided that I am happy being different to wonder I’m sure.  I wonder what I would do if I found out that nobody else does silly things like tear the house apart looking for glasses  only to find them on my head.  It’s more of a DOH! moment really but whatever you want to call it, if I had found out that it was uncommon, well I guess I would have posted a funny list of my most awkward things.  Don’t worry, there is a list at the end.  But I have to talk a bit to get to it right?

Oh I know it is killing you.  You want to point out the glaring mistake I made.  Hahaha no, I meant to do that and I will get to that too.  I like to build up the suspense and I am milking this for all it’s worth.  It’s not everyday you can say Yes Vagina there is a Santa Clause and have a perfectly good explanation.

Only at Christmas time actually but there is indeed a story that goes with it.  An awkward moment, not mine but my 18 yo daughter’s and as soon as she told me, the eh so-so list I was compiling came to life, along with a few deep thoughts.

I realize awkward moments are quite common.  A normal part of life.  Or a common occurrence in a normal life?   The reason I am even wondering about this is only because feeling awkward causes us to feel like we don’t fit in.  Like we stick out like a turd in a punch bowl.

I kinda feel like that anyways for the simple reason that I am different by default – Bipolar Disorder just puts you in a different league by definition and it also causes awkwardness because when your emotions are out of whack and acting up, you tend to be out of whack and act up as well. Awkward

When interacting with others that have Bipolar Disorder, I am struck by the common thread of feelings of awkwardness, feeling out-of-place because of missed social cues or overactive emotions.  I also have had some of my own awkward feelings lessen greatly because while my thoughts on things may be not what is considered the norm, I find that in this particular group of people, they are.  It’s as if  I found a place to fit in.  Like the Island of Misfit Toys on Rudolph the Red  Nose Reindeer.

Each of those toys had a defect of some sort.  Something that made them different from the other toys of their particular type.  That made them awkward and inept individually.  Misfits because of their difference but when they were all together on the island they became a different type.  Misfit to the norm, special as a misfit.  It is such a great story really.  I don’t know why I didn’t catch it til this year how the whole story is about being different and fitting in.  And I would take any of those toys in a quick minute and love them just the same.  Just saying…

So awkward moments can single us out OR peg us included.  Just like any anomaly really.  Awkward moments are funny to those that watch them go down and um… awkward to those that are the ones that cause them by whatever force is working on them at the time.  And even an awkward moment that is as common as misplacing the glasses on your head will having us feeling like a misfit even for just a moment for the very fact that we are the only one in the room doing it.

Plenty of people doing it on the Island of Misfit Toys though so no need to be embarrassed of even dwell on it too long.  Shit happens then it passes and all that is left is to share the awkward moments and laugh.

Not at ourselves, with.  You don’t laugh AT other people – ok maybe you do but typically we laugh WITH others so the same courtesy should be extended to yourself.  Nothing drives home feeling like a misfit more than feeling like a misfit then beating yourself up over it too.  It’s true.

When you decide it’s ok to be who you are,  you suddenly don’t feel so isolated and misfittyish (probably not a word but kinda fits here I think) In fact my experience is that I am an extra cool normal person.  I keep a summer place on the Island of Misfit Toys right off of Bipolar Lane and Cracked Avenues but I am actually thinking I might rent it out next year.

So there are some things to ponder next time you have an awkward moment.  It’s only what you make it.

With that I give you a list of awkward moments.  Some fairly common, especially as we get older, some uniquely awkward in that they aren’t common.          Um…yeah

Awkward moment when:

  • You misspell Virginia on your 8th grade spelling test and the teacher circles it in red with large question marks because you spelled it Vagina.
  • You keep doing it at least 3 more times on other assignments.
  • When your mother asks how you could confuse Virginia and Vagina in a spelling test and 3 other assignments (at least for a second til she laughs with you and it isn’t so awkward anymore)
  • Talking on the phone and the person you are talking to asks for a phone number you have you say ” I will have to get it to you later because it is on my phone and I don’t know what I did with my phone..  “  and mean it.
  • Walking into the store, you drop your keys and while bending over to pick them up, you fart.  And a hot guy has just walked up behind you.
  • Exiting a store you go to push the door and run into it when it won’t open and there is a sign that says OTHER DOOR PLEASE!
  • The day after you mess up your meds on one of your first days back to work after a week stay at the happy farm, your co-worker asks if you are ok  and when you ask why they look at you funny and say “You hit that wall pretty hard yesterday.”  And they aren’t speaking metaphorically.
  • Sharing something you think hysterically funny with someone else, you get no reaction.  Zip, nada.  Especially awkward if you wrote it.
  • Your boyfriend who is on a business trip in Las Vegas calls and  tells you he got married last night. No he wasn’t drunk.
  • Making an Awkward Moment list and feeling even more awkward remembering the moments that were yours  than you did at the time.

There ya have it folks. A few of the more memorable awkward moments of mine.   Special thanks to my 18 yo very pregnant daughter and BFF as well.  Oh you didn’t really think I would claim all the awkwardness did you?

Whether I am more awkward because of them or fit in better is a mystery but we all have at least one that makes a good story.  And Misfit or no, a good story is a good story.

Yes VaginaVirgina there is a Santa Clause and everyone loves a good story that makes them laugh.  You might as well laugh too instead of worrying that you don’t fit in.

Bumbles Bounce

Image by heidielliott via Flickr

This post brought to you by Advocates for The Island of Misfit Toys  

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13 responses to “Yes Vagina, There is a Santa Clause

  1. OK, if you ever decide to compile your witism and wisdom in a book I vote for Yes Vagina there is a Santa Claus for the title! Almost sprayed coffee again when I saw it in my e-mail!! (I’ve got to wait til I’m done with my coffee before I read your blog!)

    Love this list. LOVE IT! Unfortunately I think we all have a long list of awkward moments! But hey they make for hilarious blog posts!

    I wish I had a nickel for everytime I went on and on about a funny moment in time and the person just sat there straight faced and said “that’s hilarious” without even cracking a smile. I even had to think of something to say to people when this happened. “I guess you had to not be there!” Works pretty well. I also like what my son in law says when this happens which is “I never want to say that again.”

    I may have to compile a list of awkward moment over at my blog. You should start up an Awkward Moment Award and make a badge for it!!

    And thank you for starting my day out with a bang Lizzie!!!

    • It would be a great title huh? You ever read Erma Bombeck? As soon as you said if I ever write a book that should be the title I thought of her and her books.
      I don’t even know how to go about the badge and award thing but ya know what I think I will look into it and see what I can do. That would be fun – and you should do the awkward moment list.
      The dead silence is even worse on the phone – makes you almost hope you got disconnected and you are talking to dead air doesn’t it? Great replies btw.
      Thanks 🙂 Peace

  2. ‘Mis-fits’ are perhaps more accurately labeled: “One size fits all…” Oh, and by the way, when in this store please, after making your purchase, try to leave not through the ‘Other’ but instead the ‘Further’ door. Then perhaps on your way out (and hopefully before you bend over) you’ll be tempted to fondle and spend quite a bit more! 😉

  3. Pingback: Happy Talk from The Coffee Spot 12/10 « Running Naked With Scissors·

  4. Lizzie,
    I love this post now that I finally found it!

    Sorry, I assumed it was something else, but I hope you understand why. The link you tried to post came up a 404 missing link and given that I have been previously hacked and gotten too many spam posts for sexual content, I may be a little paranoid.

    You are welcome to resend the link and I will allow it with the correct link.

    God Bless you my knew friend!

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Yes I kinda figured with the title that it might get sent to spam or some other ill fate but I am glad you found it. I posted the correct link under the comments on your post because I was not quite sure how else to do it. I am happy to have found you!
      🙂 Peace

  5. I vote yes for the awkward moment award
    Maybe awkward moment of the week?!!!
    This post is near and dear to me…
    And on behalf of the cracked (not broken )
    ones out there…. I say THANK YOU!

    • YOu are most welcome love! I couldn’t have done it without you and I am so glad you are part of it all. It isn’t so bad being cracked I tell ya. I will take the awkward moment issue and mull it over. But it sounds fun!
      🙂 Peace – and Love so Big!

  6. “Not at ourselves, with.”
    Great advice for everyone, regardless of condition.

    Oh, and variations of everything on your list have happened to me.
    Except the Vegas thing.
    Hope he ate something that made him really gassy at the buffet.

    • Weird it hit me that I was going to write laugh AT myself and I kinda laughed and said more like with myself. Odd thought but it really is true.
      Don’t know that he ate something gassy but he sure as hell married something gassy. (was that mean?)
      🙂 Peace

  7. Haha, some great moments there!

    I never misspelled vagina/virginia, but we have this one in common:
    •Sharing something you think hysterically funny with someone else, you get no reaction.

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