Reflections on Coffee, Miralax and Other Weird Stuff

 

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As I sit here sipping my coffee laced with a good helping of Mira-lax fiber stuff, it occurs to me, I am drinking coffee laced with fiber.

Enlightening in a way I never considered. Like yes, on some sub-level of my brain I am very aware I am doing this, yet my frontal cortex has never really processed it.

Until now.

Then I started thinking about some other things which I swore I would never do as I grew older, yet snuck up on me and I can only laugh.

When I was a little girl, like many of you when you were younger I imagine, I thought some of the things my parents and especially grandparents did were weird, some gross and all having to do with getting older of course. Some with convenience too, but as a kid they were, to me, ridiculous.

For instance, wearing sneakers with a dress and carrying your dress shoes with you. How funny looking and in my young mind completely pointless, especially when you looked better and walked better in a fantastic pair of heels.

Ummm, yeah I was a kid what did I know?

In my late 40’s, the old age of my youth, I too commit this crime against fashion for the sake of my feet, legs and back if I am riding the bus or light rail and have to walk a distance from them to my destination. I tried it in heels once and I felt it for a week.

I am still not going with white shoes on black stockings and skirt though.

As if that makes it better.

Pills, supplements and vitamins.

white rabbit, go ask alice
one pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small

I take a crazy amount of pills, which is part of why I need Mira-lax in my coffee. I don’t like doing it and when watching my grandparents and parents take so many pills too, I firmly told myself it won’t be me.

Life is funny like that sometimes.

Glasses

Yeah I started sporting readers a few years ago. I am maxed out on those and probably headed for bifocals. I’m resisting but it’s inevitable.

Gas

Farting in public and not giving a crap. Even if it’s loud. This may sound like kid stuff to you and certainly the boys all thought it was great fun. Not so much for me, til now.  IN addition, topics like constipation and colonoscopies are common conversation.

Shaving legs

As a kid, I was pretty grossed out when come spring and the first day it was warm enough to wear shorts, my mother would show off her hairy, unshorn, winter legs. Gross. I’m not as bad, winter isn’t as long here in AZ. But yeah. I don’t bother much.

Granny panties and pajamas too.

I also pee when I sneeze or cough too hard, never mind just laughing. Heck I don’t make fun of Depends commercials anymore.

‘Nuff said

Grey Hair

I actually like the look once it’s grown out. Whaaat? Still coloring my hair though. Lots of colors to try before I go for the blue.

Looking at makeup tips for older women

It’s true some makeup techniques the younger women use are not suitable for a, ahem, mature face. The real kicker here is I never really wore a lot of makeup when I was younger. I still don’t wear a lot, however, I am more interested in makeup and there is less fun stuff to try as a, ahem, mature woman. (I use the term loosely.)

I’m sure I can think of a dozen or so more.

Thing is though, I have to get back to my coffee before it cools off too much. Lord knows I need the fiber, then I need to look up a makeup tip for mature women, swallow the small pharmacy of daily meds, put my Poise pad on my granny panties, color my hair, make sure I have my glasses in my purse, grab my sneakers and make sure my heels are in my bag, let a good one rip on the way out the door and get on with my day.

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Then I am going to find a new way to embarrass my kids today. There’s one weird thing my parents did I couldn’t wait for.

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3 thoughts on “Reflections on Coffee, Miralax and Other Weird Stuff

  1. Hi Lizzie… I can certainly identify with everything… (except maybe for shaving my legs.. I had blond hair.. okay blond to light brown and didn’t have to shave)
    It’s funny about the conversations that always tend to lean towards health concerns… Ah well… Can’t do anything about it Diane

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