Dog Balls Feel Funny…and Other Shit You Learn When Trying to Talk To Your Kids

Have you ever been talking to your kids about something important, well to you anyways, and realized they didn’t hear a word?

It frustrates me to no end.

I try to not give too much advice and yet sometimes, I feel compelled to.  I am a believer in teaching them to make the right choices based on their beliefs and values and then letting them screw up for themselves before I offer advice.

I just have to trust they have learned enough from me what not to do, that they will do the right thing.  Most importantly I want them to make the best choices for them not for anybody else.

Everybody knows that kids learn how to tune out their mothers. What they hear is similar to the teacher on Charlie Brown Cartoons.

Mwuah mwuah mwuah mwuah mwuah. 

I think it is because they are desensitized to the sound of their mother’s voice.  Why else would the phrase “just wait til your father gets home”, be a common household utterance. Because Mom is fed up and knows the kids will listen to Dad.

As a single parent, I am rarely afforded the luxury of such utterances to get my kids to listen.  Sure if its something really obnoxious I might throw the  occasional

I’ll call Grandpa!


Wait til I tell your Uncle!

I do try to use them sparingly, however,  as my Dad has already served his time and my brother has his own kids waiting until he gets home.

Each of my offspring has their particular way of avoiding hearing me when they are not in the mood to listen.  The most annoying to me by far is my eldest son, who nods his head, acts like he cares what I say and then when I am finished says,

You are just crazy Mom that is all that is.

Maybe so.  Don’t really see what that has to do with anything though.

My favorite avoidance technique by far, is the useless, random facts I learn when I think I am imparting some great wisdom on my kids.

My daughter and I were having a discussion this morning which at some point I did not realize turned into a monologue, me being the featured speaker.

I failed to notice when her eyes glazed over and felt like I was giving her some really good advice. I did not see that she was paying more attention to her little puppy sprawled out beside her wanting a belly rub than she was to me.

When I stopped talking and she did not say anything I asked if that made any sense.  Instead of confirmation she looked at me and said,

Dog balls feel funny.

Well ok then, another completely random fact to add to the 553,271 I already have.

Glad I could help.



7 thoughts on “Dog Balls Feel Funny…and Other Shit You Learn When Trying to Talk To Your Kids

  1. That might the most bizarre…albeit, awesomely awesome…response ever given after a parental monologue. Which, by the way, we all do. We think we’re being the eloquent wise old safe dropping knowledge at an astounding rate. But they’re gone after the first couple of sentences. Or so we think. Until we find out they did the right thing without supervision. It’s an aha moment. For us. They WERE listening! Whew. 😃

    1. I have had the gratification over the years to have more than a few of those moments, the aha! you were listening moments. And have had quite a few times they clearly weren’t. Enough of the former i feel like I may have actually succeeded as a parent. They are also all still alive.. ..major hurdle so I can only laugh at the things like this..and be grateful everyday …raising these kids has never been dull..😁 and they are pretty cool.

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