Just When I Thought I Was Out – A Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment

Mental Moments

I was once watching an episode of The Sopranos wherein a couple of the characters had recently jacked a truck full of really high-end, tailored suits.  In one of the scenes, Sal, I believe, was in a black suit with white pin stripes and a white hat, looks in the mirror and says:

Just when I thought I was out, They pull me back in.

I do believe actually it was a quote from The Godfather, if not that than some other mobster movie for sure.  I could probably check but eh.

Have you ever felt like you finally got out of, or beyond something, then suddenly found yourself right back in the middle of it, whether by choice or by accident?  Was it somewhere you thought you might never be again?

Today’s Mental Moment

is about how sometimes, we get sucked back in.

Well into what Lizzie, you ask? huh

Could be anything really.  A bad habit, relationship, destructive habits, auto pilot living.

We could think perhaps those of us who are a little touched with the crazy stick have certainly had periods of calm and stability where it was easy to think we were out of the dark for good. It has been my experience certainly so I am positive it must be someone else’s as well.

Are you picking up what I am laying down?

I’ll give you a for instance.  I have been divorced 10 years.  In trying to keep it simple, it took a few years to get beyond the ways in which a toxic relationship affected my thinking and my view of the world, even how I interacted with other people and the ways in which I numbed myself to the effects and the pain and also what it did to me in terms of my illness.

I just learned to cope and understand, to get beyond it enough to think  – I was out.  This chapter of my life, done over, thank goodness I can move on.

Welllll – there have been some things going on which brought the whole relationship and all its problems back like a brick – pow right to the face.  Boom I was pulled back in. I could not believe how quickly and easily I am right back there, dealing with the same shit and how it hurt just as bad and is just as confusing.  That easy.

Back in.

Although it would seem almost anything you would hope to be on the other side of is a bad thing, such as being pulled back into the mob, or relapsing illness or having feelings stirred up from a toxic relationship, it can go the other way too.

Just when I thought I was out of : (insert your thingy here)

I am going to say when I thought I was out of all this blogging, the literary world as a contributor, being artistic and creative,  when I was beginning to be terrified I was out, (It has been 2 years since my last post),  Well look here.  That’s a good kind of getting drawn back in.

This was something I had lost and was afraid I would never have again.  It was a part of myself I could not summon and it weighed heavy on me.

So afraid, I did not even see the signs I was ready to start again, probably never even should have stopped, simply because I did not recognize it any more.  Here I am wracking my brains on a topic, banging my head on the wall and giving up in frustration. Meanwhile back at the ranch – my mind was doing its usual thing focused on something completely left field of what I thought I should be doing.  (slowly driving me mad as well)

Consider This;

As we grow our thoughts shift and we change what we are doing to reflect those changes, especially in the way we express ourselves and the things we do.

I do think when you are beyond the negative things and especially when it is new to you and you might not be comfortable in your own skin yet, you would want to hold onto the positive things which define you.

When you do the work to heal from a toxic relationship, to be stable when mentally ill, to get off drugs or alcohol, away from bad people, stop bad habits, etc,( you get the idea? ) it is easy to think we are beyond it and will never lapse back into our old ways of thinking and being.

It may seem there is no one single thing the two have in common.

So what the hell are you talking about Lizzie?

The one thing impacting the outcome and personal beliefs of both instances?

Drum roll please… … …   no wait!  I admit there may be more than one, in fact you could make yourself crazy thinking about all the ways they intertwine and play off each other -I know.  One sounds cooler though, like I know what I am talking about.

So just, yeah can we move on and not dwell on that anymore?

ahem

Mindfulness.

When we have healed from injury or sickness, be it mental or physical, when we have done the work to get past the toxic relationship and learn what a healthy relationship is like, we tend to stop looking for any indicators we are relapsing in an illness or being pulled toward a bad habit, or exposed to something which may bring back old feelings.

Feelings we aren’t ready for, a relapse, whatever it is, don’t really just happen suddenly. Generally speaking.  Of course there are exceptions but for the most part there were indicators leading up to the being pulled back in.

Same goes for those things you thought you lost, the things you want to be pulled back into. Especially if they are an inherent part of your  being such as artistic ability or creativity.  It might be something you know how to do very well, such as manipulate words to express a point, in a way which it is relatable to many people.

Sometimes. we forget to remember when we think we are beyond something.

We don’t pay attention and go back on autopilot.  One minute, one hour, one day to the next.  Getting sucked back into the not so feel goody stuff because we don’t see the building storm,  losing the good because we fail to recognize the calm.

Mindfulness folks, pay attention.

It’s a good start anyways.

To your mental state, whatever it may be;

 

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5 responses to “Just When I Thought I Was Out – A Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment

  1. That’s a brilliant post. So glad you got pulled back into blogging. I have worked hard on developing mindfulness to try to prevent falling back into distractions, bad habits and addictions, but these things have a gravitational pull like the Sun. However, mindfulness isn’t necessarily about being with the good things, its also being with the bad things, in essence being with ourselves. But yes, absolutely, how wonderful to allow it to remind us of the good things. So glad it did for you. Good and Bad are just two sides of life’s coin.

  2. Lizzie,

    I had/have two immediate thoughts, to wit: Ditto Red’s comment, and, damn! You could be writing my life for the past eight years, I’m so glad you’re writing again; I’ve missed your take on things…. Even though I’m known for my dubiousity, I doubt you need verification, that others also experience this…. but, you have it, as it echoes both the events of my own experience, and the conclusion…

    As proof, I saw this post a few days ago, but, only got to it ‘cuz I’m on a roller coaster myself, & trying to reconnect with my bliss… You gave me, and everyone, a valuable poke in the eye, milady. Well done, & thanks.

    More, please….

    Love

    gigoid, the dubious

    😎 😉

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