Here we are folks, right on the humpity dumpity Hump Day
Wednesday
Today’s Mental Moment
(I like those big headline letters don;t you? You should put some on your blog…. )
is a little ponderable about people who should you all the time, or even just some of the time. Not the ones who do it every once in a while, unless you want to include them too. It’s your Mental Moment …
Technically it is my Mental Moment but even more so technically it is yours. You should think of it such . (see what I just did there?)
Anyways, I am sure that we all have someone in our lives that like to tell us what we should do. How we should do it and even how we should feel about it.\
Someone, or maybe more than one someone… Pushy people, the kind that are a little bossy and controlling and nosy. Your mothers don’t count for this one, they are programmed to be that way and their motivation is obvious. Unless they are a mother but not your mother and they should you, then you can count them…no you really should count them..
The reason we are not really so much discussing the ones who just say it every so often, as in Oh! This is the best donut I have ever had, you really should try it you should!… mostly the ones who don;t use you should on a regular basis are just wanting to share something that they are excited about or something that they found or thought of that they think would be perfect for you… for the most part that has been my experience anyways.. and I am not bothered a bit or even notice the language of something like that…and I do it too I am sure…if I do, you should tell me. If I get annoying I mean.
Ok let’s move on … bad enough it already is beyond mid-afternoon …
The next time you are around someone who wants to tell you ..you should…all the time… to the point of not really hearing what you want.. just saying you should….
like they say…you should eat when you just said you weren’t hungry
or they say you should buy the blue when they know red is your favorite color
or they say you should have ordered the salad when they see the burger and fries..
or
that you should have bought the one piece suit when you show them your new two piece that looks awesome cause you lost 15 lbs and hae been working out.
Consider this: (you should )
There are pretty much 2 reasons that someone would constantly be telling you what to do, no matter really how it feels to you. The thing is it does feel kinda poopy to do something and then be told you should have done it different.
They are concerned about you and love and care about what happens to you. This one is hard to see sometimes because as I said, sometimes it is as if they aren’t hearing what you want or like….
or
They are jealous and want you to make the choice they did, or are passively aggressively setting you up for failure.
So how is that good? Welll….
Having someone tell you… you should all the time, or being pushy and insistent that you do what they think you should can leave you feeling .. a lot of things that aren’t necessarily good. That you have failed or that you aren’t good enough, sometimes even stupid, or deflated. We feel that way because even if it the you should comes from a place of love and concern, it does not provide the validation for our choices that even though we say we don’t care of we get it or need it, deep down we all need validation. Especially from the ones that are close to us. If we are constantly being told you should….do it…choose it… feel ..some other way than your preference, it doesn’t feel good.
Both of these two reasons are not at all about you really. Not your shortcoming or lack of good sense or taste.
You should …is about control. So next time you are with that person and they are look at your latest choice of whatever and say, oh, nice but you should…. just let them talk. It’s not you.
You should give them a break and yourself one too 🙂
[ THERE SHOULD BE A VIDEO HERE>>BUT THERE IS N”T]
To you Mental State, Whatever it May be
Running Naked With Scissors 
Good post, Lizzie. And I love your little visual–you did that yourself, right? My daughter and I are visual junkies, between graphs and Venn diagrams and infographics, and I’m most appreciative of the home-grown kinds, especially when they have such a profound truth within them.
this one I didn;t do… silly that I didn;t but I was in a hurry and got it from ..somewhere.. ?? anyways I love your info-graphics they are amazing. If I planned better I could ..still never do them like you do but I sure coula done this one huh? thanks tho 🙂
No worries–I like it anyway AND I like your work. It all comes out even.
FABULOUS moment, Lizzie! I live in a world of you should…to be specific, there are a host of people who tell me what I should be doing to conform to their (twisted) version of the way the world works.
I am guilty of you should a lot, though. My one saving grace? It is only followed by ONE verb….THINK. I do not try and tell people what to do, rather I tell them to think about the possibilities of all the things they did not choose. If they choose something better for themselves or find out their choice was the best for them, it is all their idea and they can take total credit for it. I get to be a good influence without being an overbearing meme.
At least, it sounds good.
Much love,
Red.
xxx
I would think that anything you ever said should… would be out of concern and consideration… should think is perfect! And I see what you mean by putting it back in their hands and heads and then they think they came up with it… there are of course exception to the control rule and I have a very select few people who if ever shoulded me… I would listen because no matter what I know that they care about me.. period. but I also think having a dialogue and giving ideas back and forth takes away the need for you shoulds … I honestly have to say I dont know how you are mom to 10 and should isn;t one of your most used words… but I know its not , just another reason you are amazing and a should from you would definitely be given consideration without prejudice.. 🙂 or is it with prejudice.. as in Id listen.. …hey that;s half the battle according to my exes… I should listen more lol…. should learn when to shut my mouth.. should be …eh.. I am off on a tangent… well not anymore.. I should go…. (giggling)
My children are seriously used to my style, which is quite different that Joan Q. Average-Parent’s way. If my children need a should, they get a “Did you consider” or a “What about…?”
You need to read the book which I have coming out end of the week-beginning of next week. It is innocently titled about toddlers, but the psychology works on children of every age…like co-workers and the infamous…other people’s children. Remember, everyone is someone’s child. Child psychology works at every age 😉
❤
Red.
xxx
Fortunately, I find it easy to tune out those who constantly (and inappropriately) tell me what I should do.
Except my girl.
I don’t ignore her.
(Seriously, she’d kick my ass.)
(Don’t tell her I said that.)
*crap*
Said what? I didn;t hear anything. I mean except that part about TMWGITU kicking your ass.. but I should just ignore it right? 😉 ok if you say so 🙂
I wish I had seen this yesterday….my day might have gone better! You always make me think. Sometimes you make me smile, a lot. Sometimes you just make me consider the possibilities. This morning (a day later than I wish) you make me realize my opportunities.
well – I am glad I could help? I mean I am glad but did I ? I really would rather have..always smile and sometimes think .. but I am just glad you are here and you enjoy the Mental Moments of our Lives (see that? better than the soap opera though if you ask me…ask me ask me 🙂
It is so true…people that are constantly telling others ‘you should’ SHOULD stop…lol ..Diane
You are right! You should put that all in caps so you yell it 🙂 I don;t mind..
You should write this stuff down and post it on the internet or something. Really you should.
I’ll go hide now.
no no you should stay… 😉 you think I could put this stuff on the internet…. do you think the people should read it? Now I think I will go.. heh heh
Lizzie how many times do i have to tell you, You shoulda, coulda,woulda! Make it the last time!
um .. I think.. you should tell me more.. 😉