Have you ever been in a situation where you just felt completely out of your element?
Sure Lizzie…we all have at one time or another right? Oh..sorry I don’t mean to speak for you…
But IF that is what you are saying,
(and I KNOW you were…some of you anyways.. I said it and you know what that means, If I said it then someone somewhere …. you can finish it then we are even. Kind of. )
ok moving on… )
Where was I? oh yes, feeling out of our element, a tad uncomfortable, is a pretty common occurence really. Unless you stay in your house and never expose yourself to anything new, or stressful. Even then though, it happens occasionally, I can stay home for a week and still have that feeling sonetimes..but that is a different Mental Moment all together. I think.
Lets’ say, you are going to a new store and don’t know where anything is or how the check out system works. Its lame, ok? Just bear with me here for a second.
Now, the store you normally go to, you know where everything is, you know which lanes are cash only and express and you may even know some of the cashiers. Now, if you have to go to a different store for some reason, or the one you go to changed everything around like mine did, then you may feel a bit uncomfortable the first time you go into the store.
You are out of your element. But there is no pressure to fit in, unless you put it on yourself, If you are one of those people who can’t trip and fall in public without being embarrassed for at least 5 years after, then there is pressure, but it’s internal.
Nobody is chastising us because we can;t find the pickles, or yelling that we are too slow or are not right in the head.
If they are then I would be writing a letter to Corporate Headquarters and complaining. Just saying. Nah, most likely I would just leave and never go back. Not worth wasting a minute of my time on ..what? An apology? To humiliate the one that humiliated you? Nope, I don’t have much time or patience for anywhere ..or with anyone for that matter that I don’t feel in my element with very soon.
Are you all with me here? I hope so because I am really making this a mental ..more than a moment to make a point. Ok then…
Let;s bump it up a notch to being out of our element at something important where the pressure is their from a variety of others to fit in. Where maybe you being a good fit for the situation and the people involved is not necessarily only (or not) important to you. In other words someone else is very much needing, hoping, wanting you to fit in a particular situation for their benefit, and yours. Let;s go over some examples.
- new job
- meeting your significant others family
- going to a friend’s party where other friends of theirs will be
- Family Functions where they are very uptight and you aren’t
- You are uptight and they are slackers
- going somewhere your bf / gf/ wife / husband / child etc etc wants very badly for you to go to but you have no clue what you are doing, for instance, a 5 start tie only restaurant if you are a jeans and t-shirt kinda guy.
A situation where the outcome of fitting in with these people in that place may not necessarily be your top priority all by yourself, but you are feeling pressure from another source.
Sometimes you get lucky and after an first bit of discomfort you fit right in without really having to do much but be yourself. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out that way and even if all you want is to go hide in a closet until things are normal, you know it’s not just about you.
Like Mr. Focker and his fiancée Pam;s family. The perfect example of what I am talking about.
The guy just can’t do anything right no matter how hard he tries. Take the volleyball game for example, they razz him for not being as competitive as they are, for not being so good at the game and when he gives it his best effort….well you’ll see. And then look how he gets treated.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can;t win.
Has this every happened to you? Is it worth feeling uncomfortable and out of your element for another person? How far would you go and if it was only you, would you try to fit in?
Just something to think about.
To your Mental State, Whatever it May be.
Lizzie Cracked (never broken) and I just am who I am, if they don;t like it well… focker em… ok…there are some things I would try to fit in…but being out of my element …I used to live there.
12 thoughts on “Sometimes You Just Can’t Win, Mid-Afternoon Mental Moment”
Hell, some days if feels like I’ll never be IN my element. Great post, hon 😉
thanks … I sometimes wonder if out of my element..IS my element..
You reminded me of a time when I was about 20 yrs old and just started dating a guy 30 ish, he was in real estate and was a member of the chamber of commerce and Kinsmen trying to make a name for himself in the town. He took me to a big fancy affair and I was really nervous. I got a beautiful cocktail dress, (I worked at a high end clothing store for years so went in and had the ladies dress me so I knew I looked great) when we got there he introduced me as his favorite woman (tactful, because we weren’t b/f and g/f yet) Dinner went well and then I didn”t want to be a cling-on and he was talking business to some guys so I went and sat with some ladies I didn’t know. We were making pleasant chit chat but I really felt out of my element. Until, one of the women Wendy asked if I drank wine and I said yes and she motions for me to come over and sit beside her. She lifts the table cloth to reveal she has stock piled wine under the table. She said, “These things are always so fucking boring so I gather up the wine no one drinks and sit here getting shit faced and no one sees me drinking. Here this older woman, who was dressed to the nines in expensive clothes and jewelry was hoarding cheap wine and secretly getting pissed. I didn’t feel so out of place. After the dinner and dance my date took me up the mountain “parking”, he went to turn around so we could see the view and he got his car stuck; high centred in a ditch. He had a farm and hauled hay in his station wagon so there was little bits of hay all over the back of his car. We were stuck there for the night (this was before cell phones) so he suggested we crawl in the back and try to sleep. I needed to pee at one point so went in my white 4″ heels looking for a place and I stepped in mud up to my ankles.
While we were waiting he had the radio on and killed the battery in the car, so now we definitely needed a tow truck. When the sun came up it started to rain, luckily he had an umbrella and he headed down the mountain looking to use someone’s phone. He looked like “Mr Peanut” dressed in his expensive suit with an umbrella.
He said that the first house he came to wouldn’t open the door and the 2nd one dialed the number and just handed him the receiver out the door and closed the door. The tow truck came and pulled us out and my date drove me home, apologizing all the way.
I got out of his car and was heading to the door of my apartment when a car drove past and some guy yelled, “Had a good night eh lady?!”
There I was in an expensive gown and white sandals with runs in my stockings, mud up to my ankles, hay sticking out of my hair and the lace of my dress and, makeup smeared. My date and I laughed about that night many times. It taught me we are all human; no one is better the anyone else and sometimes you just gotta laugh and run with it.
Sorry for the length of this comment.
Oh my gosh Carrie you have me snorting with laughtrer..,, thank you for he mental moment…for real lmao 😀
My element is a rundown neighborhood bar, comfortable and familiar.
And anywhere I am that I can see my girl from.
ok so …how far out of your element would you go for TMWGITU? oh sorry 😉
however far she asked me..or she wouldn;t ask me to…dont count. Unless that is the answer… sheesh
I was an introvert and shy in nature but had children very young ..I was 19 when I had my first child and 24 when I had my third and last child. But having young children I had to make myself go and do things I didn’t particularly feel comfortable doing…like going to their school and talking to their teachers etc. I felt very intimidated by others with higher education as I only went to Grade 10, and yet I found that I had to do a lot of things like that and be around people who I didn’t feel at ease with…but for my children I did it….Diane
Good point Diane.. we mothers..and fathers too ..me personally I have gone to the point of extreme distressful discomfort… for our kids… yikes I honestly forgot … I still do go out of my element for them…guess i am in denial.. not just a river in Egypt., Thanks .. 🙂
Regularly but I try to hide it behind a curtain of bravado.
uh! I HATE that feeling of feeling awkward. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m better . . . I usually tend to be too gushy and nice when I feel awkward which makes me mad at myself to boot!
exactly..i start talking fast er..and say the dumbest things..or nothing at all…
One of the most awkward moments I can remember happened when I was 21. I was dating this absolute hunk who was 42. We were quite the pair because I had only recently given up modelling. He took me places I had never been before & we had a great time. I was really smitten! One Sunday morning, after sleeping in a bit, I wandered into the kitchen looking for coffee in one of his shirts only & bumped into his daughter who had come over to borrow some money to fix her car. I was quite embarrassed & hurriedly apologized & went back to the bedroom to get dressed. When i came back out, he introduced his daughter to me – she was his youngest & was 3 years older than I was! Very awkward!!!