I thought I would share some of my first posts with you while I get my self together.. Keeping with what is seemingly the theme for this week.. I don”t wanna grow up..or something like that. This is from Halloween – but true for all seasons, I think. Happy Friday!!
I think that probably every one of us in our childish ignorance could not wait to grow up. Oh I Know, I just made the dreaded generalization and to counter it, I do realize that somewhere out there is probably someone who recognized the benefits and savored each and every moment of childhood, including doing the dishes and picking up dog poop. And then of course there are those of us who couldn’t wait to grow up and now that we are here by default (as in age) refuse to act like it. In my case, it’s not in defiance. I am not trying to be childish to prove a point or make a statement. I just am. I will chalk it up to the bipolar. I have heard a couple of theories on that but mostly it’s just because I found I can get away with it if I say that. Sad, but true. As a…
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Running Naked With Scissors 
Get yourself together? What’s going on Lizzie?
just a little mixed up with ups and downs… trying to figure out how to act on the fact I feel like I have a purpose.. I am a little bit all over the place,,, sleep then don’t sleep which is almost worse than just not sleeping.. and I never really know what kinda night i am going to have… I am a bundle of emotions that don;t know what they want to do so just kinda trying to ride it out APril has been a time that has seen the worst of my illness rear its ugliness…so I am hanging on to get through.. September is too,….highs and lows – rapid cycling at olympic record timing… but strangely I am centered enough by being here maybe the other shoe wont fall this year. .. thanks..for seeing that.. and asking.. and listening.. and bein here 🙂
Anything I can do? I have finally found the right cocktail of meds to keep most days fairly good, so I sometimes forget others aren’t in the same place.
just being here is cool 🙂 I have no meds right now except for the occasional benzo.. but they make me loopy and I lose chunks of time..seroquel.. last resort. I need to address it though when I am not all over the place I am a little afraid they would dope me up good to get some balance. I am afraid of losing myself.. or just giving into the relief and not caring that I can;t feel a damn thing.. either way..
I had to add Seoquel to my mix a couple years ago because I was still not sleeping despite anti-anxiety & anti-depressants. I’ve had panic disorder for over 30 years but only gave in to accepting pharmacological help with it about 10 years ago. Prior to that I did hypnosis, deep breathing, counselling, just about anything you can think of to help with the symptoms. I gave up coffee for over 20 years! I realize I’m not in the same position you are in, the meds they usually prescribe your type of problem are more mood altering & do tend to flatten everything. I just got to the point where I didn’t have the energy to keep going without help. You do what is best for you. And I’ll be here on the other end of the internet if you need me.
thanks 🙂 I am always going back and forth on the meds issue. seroquel is ..ug.. but if I get to the point of utter exhaustion and still no sleep in sight.. I will take it. I have such fogginess from it though.. when I was taking it regularly..it stopped knocking me out but the fogginess never went away. the longer I go ..the more I learn. and the med route is more appealing to me lately because I feel like I know enough about how my illness affects me to know what I want from the meds..at first..I had no clue and thought I had no choice. on a good note.. I slept a good solid 6 hours last night .. inadvertently..I had stuff to do but I feel so much better this morning.. 🙂
Sometimes something as simple as an antihistamine once in a while can help to break the “no sleep” cycle. I had to do this years ago when I was on a steroid treatment & didn’t sleep for 6 weeks. After not sleeping for days you get so tired & your brain is so starved for rest, it’s like you’re going over the edge. I broke a toe & didn’t even know it!
I know what you mean about your meds – if someone even mentions playing around with mine I get super anxiety-ridden. I don’t get foggy from Seroquel but I plan to take it early enough in the evening so when I wake up in the morning it’s had a good 8 – 9 hours to go through my system.