I could have titled this so many things:
Why I love to hate socks….
Tales of the Frustrated Laundress…
The Housewife’s Nemesis..
Fuel for the Fire
Socks Suck and Other Obvious Things
and it could fit in many categories; rants, random thoughts, life lessons, bipolar,
You can take it as one of my cracked observations or a bit of unsolicited advice…
It all works.
Socks have to be one of the most frustrating, yet sensible things ever invented. They keep our feet warm and protected. And if you have ever tried to wear say, a pair of boots or sneakers, without socks, you know that they are better had than not.
My hate affair with socks began when I was in Jr. High. This is my first vivid sock memory. Before that, I can honestly say, I have no real idea how I felt about them. Some of you may recall I mentioned an argument with my mother in a previous dissertation, the name of which I do not recall. It was, I believe tucked away in 7 things I had to tell you about myself. Or 15. But the point of the point of the socks and the argument was that it, they, we, ok me, caused the loss of the home team High School football team in an apparently important game. I am still not really clear on the connection but my brother is very good at making it sound like it’s right so I just add it to my many achievements.
In a nutshell, it was cold, we were going to the football game, the type of shoes I had did NOT in any way come close to being able to pull off the – hey those look kinda cool like that – with socks. I really didn’t like the shoes to tell you the truth. In fact, it is probably safe to say that shoes suck worse than socks,. I am a barefoot girl all the way, but that’s another story for another day.
My mother insisted I put on socks and I, in my 15ish year old wisdom, insisted I wouldn’t. That was probably the worst and most traumatic fight my mother and I ever had. It’s telling and retelling has lasted these long 27 years and socks have become the symbol of my rebelliousness without clue for the same 27 years.
But here’s the real poop on how I feel about socks. They drive me nuts. Quite batty.
Everybody knows of the washer eating the socks – or dryer, whichever theory you subscribe to. Or one of the socks as it were, so that when you put a pair in the laundry, what comes out of the laundry is a single sock. I mean what the heck is that about? Sometime I think that there is a special trap door built into washing machines (for I am a subscriber to the washing machine theory myself) that collects the socks and that this door was put there, in the design by some prankster who had no idea of the ….angst it would cause for years and years to come.
When you are single and doing your own laundry this is often frustrating enough. But if you hold onto the lone sock, eventually either the washing machine will spit out its mate at a later date, or you will maybe lose it and forget all about it. Then when the mate does get spit out, you are just left scratching your head.
I put the singles in a pile to wait for the imminent purge by the washing machine. That’s all good for me. But do you have any idea at all just how many socks a household of 6, 7 and 8 constitutes? A lot.
So I take the pile of single socks, in all different sizes and colors, and put them in a laundry basket thinking when the mate pops up I will remember where the other is…. It never happens like this. Never. And more often than not, we end up buying new socks because there are no more matching pairs. A 6 pack at WalMart is a mere $8 dollars or so and its a lot easier than going on the hunt.
My real downfall is that once a basket is full of mateless socks, I stash it somewhere and start a new basket. And never do I want to get rid of a perfectly decent sock, because it has a match. Somewhere.
Last year after digging out some 5, or was it six bags, boxes and baskets of unmatched socks, we had a matching party and were left with only 100 or so socks with no mate. A mere sampling of the starting pile. I vowed never to get behind on matching socks, I vowed to stop stashing them. I vowed to start chucking them if they were unmatched for more than a week.
I vowed… ha, ha. ha., but socks are insidious. And that my friends is the REAL reason I hate socks. As a singular, for their intended purpose, I love socks. In the winter my toes are always cold and socks, are the answer. I like fuzzy socks, colorful socks, Any kind of sock that keeps my toes toasty, as long as it has a mate.,
My best unsolicited advice? If they don’t have a mate – chuck them. Short of keeping them on our feet constantly, which poses a whole other set of problems, we have no hope of ever figuring out the washer or dryer theory of sock snatching and are doomed to be overrun by mismatched and single socks.
Somebody could make a fortune coming up with an answer to the sock problem, and some of you, while surely aware of said problem, had no idea how out of hand this problem is…but I tell you, left to the workings of my disorganized mind, socks will indeed take over the world.
One sock at a time.
Lizzie Cracked (not broken) telling you the true poop about socks.. because I am missing my favorite fuzzy one – again… ~sigh~
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Running Naked With Scissors 
I suspect the underpants gnomes from South Park have moved on to sock theft.
oh…I never considered that angle…
I too have a “one sock pile”. What boggles my mind is that I live alone and yet single socks appear that I am positive I never had a match to. Some random colour that I am certain I never owned a pair of. Personally I think it is a complex and evil plot orchestrated by a gang of sock puppets.
They have joined forces with the glove thieving gangs. It doesn’t matter how many pairs of gloves I buy when I go to put on a pair of work gloves I only have right handed gloves. Somewhere there are a bunch of left handed glove laughing it up with my random socks.
It drives me mad! I did a bad thing the other day I was in a store that had leather work gloves on sales and I bought two left handed gloves. I was quite proud of myself. Hopefully someone coming behind me will need two right gloves.
ohhh yea never thought of the gloves – there are bigger forces than us at work here clearly…..
Can totally relate. My ex husband had a bizarre sock fetish. He had four dresser drawers just for his socks. FOUR. At some point, I said “screw it, do your own damn laundry” b/c I got sick of trying to pair up his socks when we all know only half of them come out of the machine! Maybe that’s why he left? He went in search of a more sock tolerant wife? At any rate, I feel the same way you do. Quite frankly, I think Satan, along with his invention of glitter, also invented socks.
Whoa! I thought MY ex husband was bad – I hate this saying but maybe you really are better off without him? At least his socks anyways.
Yes ma’am, way way better off w/o him!! lol
LOL … I totally relate. For me, I use all of my unmated socks as scrubbers for my dogs when I give them a bath. They both have sensitive skin and I use oatmeal on them. The socks work great for keeping my drain clear of oats.
hey that’s a good one – I suppose an alternative to chucking would be to use them elsewhere – and I do that too…. ankle socks make great dusters…but it’s kind of sad when you get a single and realize the mate is covered with pledge..sigh. There is also the fact that I can;t think of enough uses for 6 people’s stray socks….that’s the real problem – sheer volume… or is it mass?
Very perceptive….but I’ve found the solution to the Sock Problem…. give up on washing them. I now just wear them until they fall off my feet, then buy new. Saves me a whole pile of frustration. Of course, it also eliminates any social life, but we all have to make sacrifices…. being a bachelor helps, with no one there to pick at me about my foot odor…I stopped smelling it long ago…. or another good solution is to buy only one color of socks, all white, all black, or colored, doesn’t matter, as long as they’re all the same, no worries at finding a match…. best of luck with your Socks….
not washing – not working for me …at least not for a few more years – when my cats take over and the smell of cat is ….ok.all the same color – great tried it and the problem is… each brand has it;s own way of being what it is – red line on the toe – leters on the bottom…stil all good – except, I never remember what brajd we got the time before when I am right there buying them. yes i KNOW i should write it down but really? so much effort…over sock?
Yeah, I can relate…I don’t know about you but I spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with petty BS like socks, or dishes, or haircuts, or…..any of the thousand little things that Murphy can get us for….Maybe I’ll find me an indulgent manor house owner with one of those little huts they used to have for their pet hermits back in the 19th century, and withdraw from society altogether….might be worth a try, and couldn’t be any harder than life as we know it….fun to think about, any who….take care….
that’s why I have KIDS! although me thinks they may have …contributed to the whole damn mess more than they help – shhh don;t tell em I said that
Two suggestions:
Put your socks in mesh bags and wash them in that. then they can’t escape!!!
And by socks with such outlandish patterns that you can wear them with any other outlandish sock, and no one will notice they don;t match!
Next I’ll be solving world peace and curing the common cold.
thank you, and try the veal.
been there….and done that there are inherent problems with each when you are talking epidemic proportions of socks… how many can you fit in a mesh bag? …but as always your suggestions are always good – which I said twice I believe 🙂 and how is the veal cooked?
Ah no, the key is to get them in small batches, or give each person in the house their own bag.
cooked with razzmatazz, of course!
such an idealist… 🙂 ok I’ll try it – the veal I mean 😀
Reblogged this on theconservativehillbilly.
ReallY? Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it L-)
Ha ha! Enjoyed the sock discussion! Agree with it all. I have a feeling the 6,000 year old Ice man who they found frozen in the Alps awhile back was wearing grass socks. Well, one made out of grass the other was made out of straw. Tale as old as time (and even before recorded time!)
How about throwing all the socks away, then buying one size fits all – white for summer and black for winter. But then anybody could recognize your kids — they’ll be the ones wearing one black sock and one white sock!
exactly – i was gonna say they recognize my kids anyways cause my kids have no concept of matching socks and no problem at alll..wearing whatever thy find – I don;t know if this good cause they are adaptable oe not so much cause they look goofy..but it doesn;t bother them why should it bother anyone else? 11 yo came home from school one day telling me some kids were picking on him caseu of his socks – he was…incredulous like wth is wrong wth my socks – and despite the fact one was a tube sock and one an ankle sock and he was wearing shorts I said not a damn thing! If you are happy with them who gives a rip what those hoity toity boys say! My poor kids…. smh 😕
hahahahahaha and he was wearing shorts! Oh my God I love that kid! I love all your kids for wearing unmatching socks! Those are my kind of kids! 🙂
they are most assuredly free spirits all of them – but look who their mother is – I once went to a mormon chrch dressed in a pink ruffly kinda clingy number with really big flowers….and heels….eh? no harm done…
[…] just stumbled upon this one and it made me think of your Socks blog and had to […]
I gave up socks years ago! Personally I’d go barefoot 24/7 if I could but…
I was going to suggest just saying “to hell with it” when it comes to matching and just to just wear the first 2 individual socks you pull from the drawer but your kid already thought of it. Brilliant kid! Now if we could just get the fashion industry and society as a whole to buy into the idea.
not just one kid…ALL my kids! I couldn’t be more proud 🙂 they should sell pairs with a spare sock..just sayiing
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