First of all I should clear up that I am not at all reluctant anymore – about the being a grandma, I am reluctant about being called grandma.

I was reluctant about the whole big picture until the little monkey was born and now I just love him so damn much that I can’t stand it.  And having embraced the actual doing of it – or being of it I guess,  I thought I would eventually be ok with grandma.

No.  It is not happening. I just can’t get around it.  I don’t know why because it means nothing more than one of my kids has a kid and I am a grandma which is the coolest flipping thing ever – but in my mind I see…  I don’t really want to go there.  I love my grandmas and in reality my one grandma was just about my age when I was born but I just don’t remember her like that and don’t see myself at that stage of life yet.

If any of you have been in a position to be a grandparent at a young age and younger than you thought, in fact so young that even though you knew in theory it could happen, you never even entertained the idea because whether or not your child is actually an adult, you are still too young to have grand kids then you know that of which I speak.  Especially if you have a preschooler at home still.  That makes him an uncle and that is just craziness with a capital U.

I don’t think the prospective grandparents are ever asked if they are ready.  We had kids so we can have grandkids.  Like it or not.

I decided I like it.  Except for the name.  But enough about me and my name calling.  I want to talk about him – my little monkey man who  I adore with such fierceness it takes my breath away.

I was there when he was born and I have to say being on the other side of the bed is the most amazing, sickening, life changing bit of Wowness anybody could hope to witness.  I say sickening only because it involved body fluid and stuff that makes even the strong of stomach a little queasy although I think I hid that part pretty well.  I’m not sure, I didn’t ask.

Giving birth myself 6 times I am well aware of the miracle of that size thing coming out of …well you get what I am saying but I have never once seen the event either by way of a mirror or being present at a birth of someone elses child.

When I was pregnant with the last three of my kids I obsessively watched Birth Day on the Health Channel or Discovery I’m not sure, so I have literally seen hundreds of births on tv and cried appropriately but they just don’t do justice to the real deal.

Also an interesting bit of information you could do without, after my kids were born, I had no interest in Birth Day whatsoever.  I did not get one bit emotional watching it like I did while pregnant.  I felt bad, that after my kids popped out  I just didn’t care but I can’t help it.  It’s a hormone thing I am sure. It’s not like I wasn’t happy for those new moms, and you would think having just been through the ordeal myself I would feel overwhelming emotion watching their births but I didn’t.  maybe I got it all out of my system, who knows.

My daughter did beautifully.  Absolutely stellar.  She had back labor and that hurts like a mofo let me tell you.  It’s when the baby is putting pressure on particular places and a contraction causes such an intense amount of pressure that you feel it only or mostly in your back.  I want to throw up just thinking about it.

She got an epidural at 5 cm dilated so she did have to weather some of the pain on her own fortitude but being a first time mom, she has no clue of the real pain of childbirth.  And I am damn glad of that to tell you the truth,  It was hard as hell to see her hurting at all, even though the pain was necessary and worth the outcome.  Would that I could have bore it so she didn’t have to.  And I felt her pain and her fear.  It doesn’t matter how knowledgeable you are of the process, when you have no idea in hell how this thing that has been bouncing on your bladder and crowding your organs, causing all kinds of discomfort and weirdness is REALLY going to get out of your body, it is scary as hell.

But you would have though is was her third kid the way she just calmly did what she had to do to give birth to this child – the Dr even told the student dr with her that this was not typical at all, especially of first time moms.  She (18 yo) made it look easy she said.  I couldn’t have been more proud.  Just like her mama she was but better.

She told me between pushes when I was giving her a little pep talk that she was focused on food and that was what was driving her to get it done.  Hey, whatever it takes and she hadn’t eaten all day so it was a valid focal point for sure.

She pushed the little guy right out and I was utterly speechless at the sight of him coming into the world and being a real boy.  His dad and I followed him to the warmer bed they had to get him cleaned up and weighed and all that good stuff and he was pretty laid back about the whole commotion.  He only cried when I leaned over and talked to him the little turd but that isn’t the case anymore.  He likes me now.  I just know it.

He was perfect in every way, even the extra digits we noticed not right away don’t mar his perfectness.  In fact being my grandchild it is kinda fitting that he has 12 fingers.  It’s special. Different.  The two extras are growing off his pinkies of each hand and even have little tiny nails but other than that don’t seem to be functional and we will see what the dr says about them tomorrow but they don’t bug me one bit.

There is a common misconception that  babies are cute the minute they pop into the world and they aren’t at all.  They are goofy looking, alien like and they smell and make lots of funny noises and  usually their mommies dress them funny.  They have no fat unless they are huge but even then their little arms and legs are just stick like.  It’s funny that I was walking into labor and delivery and noticed that the picture they had on the wall of the baby to represent birth was clearly around 2 months old with a cherub like cuteness and big smile and baby pudge.  They had one of those hats on that they put on newborns and I remember laughing thinking who are they trying to kid?

Some people are fooled however and then when they give birth wonder what the hell happened.  Except there is this type of goggle that, much like the beer goggle, causes the parents to only see how beautiful their child is and that is a good thing.  They just wonder where is the inherent cuteness of the bouncing babies they show on tv or in pictures that they claim are newborns.  I suspect before shows like Birth Day, like back when I was born, it was more of a shock.  Not me of course I was cuteness from day one alien like or not, but to some it still is.

It’s hard to believe that a little ball of being can fart louder than a grown man.  Or smell as bad as they do.  They don’t smell like babies, powder and lotion naturally you know and those things were invented for a reason.

Anyways, I call him my little monkey man cause it’s cute and he is too.  In his own funny newborn baby way.  And because monkeys are pretty prevalent on all his clothes.  And I like monkeys.

I have found that handling and caring for a baby is like riding a bike and feel gratified  in that I can seem confident for my daughter’s sake.  Of course it wasn’t all that long ago I had a little guy of my own but still – I actually feel more comfortable and wiser with my grandchild then I did with my own kids.

Maybe it’s less pressure,maybe it’s because I am more comfortable in my own skin.  Who knows, but I feel like I spent the night at a Holiday Inn Express.

I know I mention that a lot but I did once and really did feel smarter in the morning and have been dying to do it again.  That’s another story for another day I just thought I’d give you an idea of my fixation.

So we spend time together, usually when mama needs to accomplish something like peeing and not enough lately since I have been sick.. but I always try to be entertaining and conversational.  I have so much to tell him.

He isn’t much of a conversationalist for now preferring to sleep through most of our talks but I talk to him a lot and tell him all sorts of cool stuff.  Who knows maybe some of it will stick.  I have even tried out a few grandma names on him to get his opinion.

He isn’t saying much.

But just wait that won’t last long.