Lamentations of a Dick Magnet

English: Illustration of "The Mouse the B...

No..not that kind of dick..  Dick as in jerk, loser, low self-esteem boob that needs to exert control over another just to feel ok about themselves.

How does that work anyway? How do you feel better treating someone else like shit.  How do you say you love someone and then treat them like dirt?  And feel good about yourself?

Anyone?  

Boy I sure can pick them.  Narcissist, wife beater,  Rage-a-holic.  I have attracted and been a toy for all three at one point or another.  I’ll keep it simple and won’t elaborate on that.  Or them.  It’s the tip of the iceberg and they are hardly the point.

I am.

I am not statisticallylikely to be a victim to that type of man.  To be stupid enough to fall for the bullshit that spews from their twisted brains.  And yet, I have.  Time and again.  I am a strong, intelligent woman from a family of strong, intelligent women. I am putting part of the blame on Grimm’s Fairy Tales and Disney but the rest can only be my fault…

Grimm's Fairy Tales

Happily ever after but only with a man my ass

We teach people how to treat us right?  That must be somewhat different from the Golden Rule of Do unto Others.

It has to be because how else would you explain that when I love with all my heart, when I allow someone into my life, when I care so very deeply, I get in return…Shit.  Hurt.  Betrayal.  Lies.

Crushed.

When I forgave did I teach that I will allow it?

When I loved unconditionally did I teach you to  judge and ridicule  me?

When I said I wanted to not be alone did I teach you to threaten me with leaving every chance you get?

When I did not intervene with your choices because you are an adult and have free will did I  teach you to treat me like a child incapable of making a good decision?

When I shared the things that trigger the worst of my illness, humbly accepting your help, something so very hard for me,  did I teach you how to drive me crazy?

When I was honest, did I teach you to lie to me?

When I was faithful did I teach you to cheat on me?

Do we not learn by example?

Maybe I taught but I didn’t deserve the treatment I got.

The next man who is a romantic interest that tells me my gullible nature is cute and endearing will be seeing my backside going out his door so fast his head will spin.  And I have come to the conclusion that it is that which is the big red neon sign flashing over my head that draws the Dicks like moths to a flame.

Hey you Dick!  I am GULLIBLE – take advantage of me NOW!  

and then the fine print – (hurry this one won’t be out long, she’s a catch and will get scooped up by the first dick that sees her)   

I kinda wish I was talking about the other kinda dicks now.

The last dick I was with made a mistake though.  He assumed gullible meant stupid.  He thought forgiving meant weak.  He figured unconditional loving made me a sucker.  He thought he deserved to be treated like a responsible adult and  his destructive behaviors, as well as me, were all under control.

He thought he could call me names and accuse me of things I did not do and I would just take it.  I did for a while but OOPS!

Just a little miscalculation.  His loss.

It wasn’t always like that.  He was a dick no doubt but there was a golden shining time when all was well,  When he loved me and I him and we were making a life together that was decent and had the potential to be all that we wanted.  And even a time after that we were best of friends.  Recent events have returned him to  Dick status though.  Not five minutes ago recent.  In relation to the rest of my life, recent. .  He  just couldn’t quite shake it.   Being a Dick.

I am on the upswing of being back to me.  And as me, I am still loving and caring and respectful and gullible and sweet.  Still compassionate.  What I am not is spineless and I am not a victim and I am not going to tolerate a man who does not consider me his equal in a relationship.

Those of you guys that are thinking –  what a ball breaking bitch – maybe you should take a moment to reflect.  

This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

what a ball buster! Hey am I a dick?

 I have been contemplative today.  Lonely.  I don’t care to put myself out there to meet anyone or come out of my solitude.  I guess I know why but I still am not going to risk it for a while.

Except I don’t understand why they are drawn to me.  I don’t understand how they can be so conniving and scheme and plot to suck the very soul out of a woman and then leave an empty shell, a shadow of her former self behind.

As far as romantically, it was a boy, on the verge of manhood yes, but still a boy who set the standard and showed me how I deserve to be treated, how a relationship should be. I know he was right, I deserve love and respect,  to have a best friend and a soft place to fall.  He put the bar up high and I have yet to find a man who can even touch it.

The last one came pretty damn close, but he chickened out in the end.  He  clung to his dickishness and bailed when it counted.

Of course the problem is that I couldn’t  have known that then.  About the standard and the bar and the boy.  It was years ago.  We were young, thinking we were already growing old and I just took it for granted that every man who was romantically interested in me would appreciate what I brought to the table beyond my trusting nature and forgiving heart making me a good punching bag.   Would treat me with respect.

A lifetime later after being the main attraction for Dicks everywhere, I know that I was lucky to have him so that I know where I need to be next time I get into a relationship.

I am a gift.  I am worthy and beautiful and worth a man’s undying love and devotion.  I do not need to settle for someone who wants to crush my spirit and deny my right to be me.  My illness does not make me unlovable or impossible.

I am smart enough, I am pretty enough and gosh darn it – If you are a Dick looking for an easy target – back the fuck off, I am much more than gullible.  If you are only looking for that, then go somewhere else.   My heart has had enough, more than one girl deserves I think.

The sign flashing above my head is misleading  just like you Mr. Dick.  I won’t give in so easily,  and the next Dick that tries to screw up my life will most likely end up with a frying pan upside the head.  Or worse. 

Just saying…   

Me and My Dick (soundtrack)

 

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21 responses to “Lamentations of a Dick Magnet

    • You think? Gosh that would be cool 🙂 I hope he comes soon though, I am not a spring chicken anymopre…actually I just think it would be a shame to let my freaky side get complacent and THEN find him…

  1. “I am a gift”… I LOVE that!
    And I have a feeling that strong, intelligent women are “statistically” just as likely to attract (and for whatever reason, WANT) the dicks in the world… I speak from past experience on that one… But I can also speak from experience to say fairy tales aren’t out of reach either! 😉 Took me 14 years to wise up and divorce the dick in my life… And discover Prince Charming is a real guy too. 🙂

  2. I’m gonna go with none of what they did is your fault, lizziecracked. And don’t let anyone change your compassionate nature.
    If they try, maybe put dick magnets in the tips of your Doc Maartens and let ’em fly…

    • Nah – I am done trying to be someone I am not.. It wont help me to try and not be compassionate and just who I am – but now I know that it is one of the qualities that makes me an easy target. If I wasn’t who I am, I wouldn’t put up with the crap but I can dish out some crap my darn self and don’t think a person should be judged on only their bad behavior – or that it is even my place to judge anyone at all – so I am the perfect girl for an abusive asshole – I mean a dick. I like your idea – maybe I will just go ahead and take the precautions lol..

  3. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Lizzy, as far as attracting dicks goes. I think we’re experiencing in this day and age a dick epidemic! There’s a whole ocean of dicks out there who — if they’ve learned anything at all — it’s that they need to hide who they really are from you — at least for awhile until they are “safely ensconced” and can go back to being their dicky selves. At least you can kick them out, but THEY are sentenced to live inside their own dickheads for the rest of their lives because there’s no way in hell they will ever be come self aware. Not in this life anyway.

    Of course, there are lots of great guys out there too. But I think you have to be really really picky. Keep your heart under lock and key until they have proven they’re worthy of you. 🙂

  4. I heard something on Oprah’s Master Class last night “the way how muscle building works is that micro fibers are torn and then repaired. When they are repaired, they get stronger. Relationships operate in a similar manner. When you are hurt, you will heal and become stronger.”

    It is true that you do teach people how to treat you and you also learn from your experiences. These two tools are essential when living in a world full of “dicks” 🙂

    Whenever something bad happens to me, I say to myself “This too shall pass”

  5. It is crazy how your post spoke the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for a long time. I too have lived my whole life this way, especially when it comes to men. The one I am with now, my ex husband, I have been with for almost 20 years. He has done every possible thing a person can do to hurt another person. And yet, after being divorced for 4 years, I decided to give it another try. Needless to say, that was one of the worse decisions of my life. I was fine on my own, I was happy, strong, secure, confident and my spirit was alive. Now, not so much. He has started the destruction of my soul yet again

    • In Steve Job’s Stanford speech, he said that if you haven’t found your passion as yet, never give up. Never settle. Keep searching. The same thing can be applied to relationships, I think.

      You’re a beautiful, smart and empowered woman. Never settle. If you’re not being treated the way you think you should be treated, never settle.

      But I’ve always said that no one can force a person to make a decision. The person has to decide that on their own. All external people can do is make suggestions.

      Good luck with that though. Peace 🙂

    • Im so sorry to hear that. I hope you do what you need to do to be happy and strong and secure and confident, despite him. Its not an easy thing to stop the destruction merely by being aware of it. I had given someone who hurt me deeply in many ways another chance and I saw that it would never be any different. Its hard to let go but better to let go of him than to lose yourself…
      Peace 🙂

  6. Hi Lizzie! I thoroughly enjoyed this. I, too, have felt like I’ve had the target on my back my whole life. And it’s not just for dicks. It’s for assholes, bastards, and son-of-a-bitches too. It’s not just in relationships, either.

    Unfortunately, I realized why there was a target on my back. I was willing to help others who looked wounded and vulnerable. It’s the whole dying animal routine, where they feign injury to lure prey. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” And I showed them my injuries. And I was prey after that.

    It’s incredible how someone can completely contort a person’s mind. But, that’s how these predators operate. Smokes and mirrors, all of the way. They prey on those wounds and make them worse. They pull the carpet out and let someone they love fall some more. They create new vulnerabilities.

    I had to learn it the hard way. But, my son won’t. Don’t take shit. You are who you are, and if that’s not good enough for someone, they can piss off. And only help people who are brave enough to ask for help. You help, and then you’re on your way. And only ever give a second chance after a person has demeaned themselves to beg on their knees.

    • I think the hardest part for me is understanding how they operate – you almost cant fathom this kind of bahavior without consciousness and yet I can’t fathom how somebody could be so …conniving..I dunno
      🙂 Peace

      • Well, I’m going to guess that some of them are dyed-in-the-wool sociopaths. That’s the only explanation for some of them. Others were probably just not raised to know any better. That’s how they operate. Their parents showed them how to be complete jerks, and that’s how they live.

  7. Lizzie, I too have been there (um, multiple times.) Once I learned to set boundaries and to stop choosing dickheads, their attraction to me became irrelevant. Good luck, you are so worth it!

    • Shouldn’t there be a book issued and a test taken before they let us loose to the wolves? lol… the best lessons are learned by experience I guess but they also tend to hurt more. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂
      We are worth it!

  8. This so needs a love button, Chica. ❤ Truly. YOU need to read it again. ❤ Much love my beautiful, kind, forgiving, lovable friend ❤ xxx

    • I have read it many times in the last few days..weeks.. I dont know what ima looking for in it but – I shared it with the current ..friend. I am done though.. with the whole mess for awhile..you know – i can send the link on my phone.. maybe someone else needs to get the messsage? problem is its lost on the dicks.. cause they dont realize they fall into that category..
      I did use the I am a gift line.. I felt pretty damn good about it too! ♥

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