Dear Lizzie Cracked, (not broken, I know)
I was so surprised to get your letter, I have not heard from you other than to
plead – um ask about the Gaggle’s status for some time. You really should quit worrying that they will get coal because of that TV business. I can tell the difference you know between something the parents did and naughty kids.
I am not saying anything like it’s all your fault. We should not blame our parents for they do the best they can with what they know. You are no exception when it comes to this. You are an exception to a lot Miss Lizzie, but you don’t need to beat yourself up over any failings of your kids.
They are kids.
They aren’t failing.
They are learning.
How can a failure be considered a failure if a lesson is learned from it?
A child’s job is learning , and your job is to guide them and get them ready to be on their own – productively. Yes, you are a little off sometimes but I have seen so much worse. Sometimes though, our actions can show them what not to do as much as what to do. Do not fret. Cracked you are but you love your kids – The Gaggle and they know it. I will send you a note if any of them have slipped into even the hint of The Naughty List.
I wish you had been to see me at the mall, I was actually at the one right by your house this year. Yes the real me. I use the look-alike elves but I never go the same place to hear the kids wishes year after year…I have a pretty good rotation going so that I can be fair.
The Mrs and I have decided to buy a house to spend the winter months after Christmas in relative comfort here. I am going to wear shorts and flip-flops until I have to go back to the North Pole.
I did have the pleasure of meeting your Almost 5 yo – and oh wow what a nut that kid is. The nuttiest of the bunch but in a different, nutty way. And almost 5? My dear he will be five in just a matter of hours…makes me feel old too I assure you. I remember when you were only 5, nutty like him just in a quieter way. I knew he was yours the minute he popped up in front of me and the same for 7 yo. Boy watch out for that one I tell you. Smart, funny and gosh darn it, people like her. Just like her mother I think.
Of course, since you have moved around so much I have met all of them at one time or another. I really don’t think they are doomed to….whatever it is you are so afraid of. Relax. I have brought their very special requests tonight so that you can see their eyes light up in the morning even more so then usual – I know that is the most special thing about Christmas for you these days…maybe the only special thing.
Oh my dear you think I don’t see? Where you used to hold me, and Christmas, all that it entails so dear to your heart, now it seems you try to shut us out and pretend you are ok. I know you struggle but you will be ok and I know how to make sure you don’t forget. I am Santa – I lay my finger aside of my nose and all is revealed! That you actually wrote me a wish list for yourself gives me hope you are once again opening your heart
– Oh! Before I forget! Thanks for the great tip about the KY for my nose. You wouldn’t believe how dry it is in that sleigh and I carry a tube with me now just in case I need it. Your Mom didn’t raise any dumb daughter.
I see you baked a few cookies this year – keep it up, you shall once again be the Queen and I know you were worried about not having the funds to give much at all – Lizzie another year you will have more than you thought you could and I know that you will remember those that helped you and repay everything you have been given ten-fold. As much as I know it pains you, keep this memory so that you will not give up. This has been a lesson to you about so many things. Learn the Lesson. And live accordingly.
Now to your list – the Misfit Toys have all been delivered safely, just so you know and I think you have enough on your plate without adding more now – but thank you for thinking of them. Very sweet indeed.
- The heart paint – I am out of purple and red. I keep telling those elves no one wants the black – shiny as it is yes but they insist it is also cool. I refuse to give you a black heart so no paint. Sorry. But I did leave a little clear coat gloss to shine it up for you.
- 1 sleeve – no problem. Look at this there is velcro now so you can wear it all the time – maybe not so good for you….try to be careful ok?
- Here’s is the parenting book you wanted. How to Raise a Gaggle That Isn’t Doomed …Yes you are right they were supposed to issue you one of these early on – it’s not as if they don’t know you will eventually have a gaggle even if you don’t. You got screwed. Any chance you went through the drive- thru? because you know how they say you get screwed at that drive-thru.. I think you are possibly beyond this type of book anyhow Lizzie but I happened to have a few extra copies.
- I am also including Santa’s Guide to Eggnog – it’s the same category you see – Self Help. Ok the Eggnog is maybe more of help Santa but hey…
- You don’t need a Nudge, You are going the right way for now and I am afraid a nudge won’t keep too long. It’s not like a Twinkie ya know with the shelf life of who knows – you need a None Shall Pass ! sign blocking off unwise choices to keep you headed in the right direction. Notice I did not say on the straight and narrow? Besides I think your 16 yo would maybe be a better choice for the Nudge – and it is already in his stocking.
No trading, Elizabeth! – you need to trust my decision. He is too young to have any roads blocked off – and you have been around enough to know a good road from a bad tho you will choose the bad sometimes I think just for something new and different. No Trading!
- Patience, Lizzie I am nearly out myself. It is not something I keep in stock as most people ask God for it. Leave it to you to ask Me. I think you still have more than the average bear – use it wisely and I will make sure if you still want some next year to have it for you.
- Security Blanket – well how about a Snuggli, or flannel pajamas? I know what it is you’re wanting, as far as this goes and even though it is the very bare minimum amount of security you asked for it is widely popular – typically for the younger crowd… Er, young at heart works too. I think you forgot about the one you have. It isn’t so big but I know you can add to it.
- One Ball of Joy – ok.
- A ration of shit – got it! And tell ya what I threw in an extra just for good measure. I like your Mean Streak – believe it or not – it has never been on my Naughty List.
One last thing was on your list – what was it ?
- Oh yes Ho Ho Ho…My dear if I had a winning lottery ticket I would have retired already, No, not really, but even I can not know which will win for sure. That kind of takes the fun out if it don’t you think?
Ok then Lizzie Cracked, I am off to the next house. I always have a soft spot in my heart for you and you should never apologize for believing. Or for just being you. Write me when you want. I will be watching anyways. But it is nice to hear your perspective on things every now and again.
Great Cookies by the way – I’m glad you baked again. I do miss the eggnog though. Just saying…
Merry Christmas to you, and your beautiful children. You have been blessed to have them and they are as well to have you. You don[‘t have to be Mother of the Year, just do the best you can. Love them and listen to them. They will be just fine.
Oh – I put socks and underwear in the stockings too but not as a substitute for coal. You know why… ;-)
Until next Christmas,