Not Me Needs to Get The Hell Out of My House!

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There were strange happenings at my house.  I got it straightened out eventually but it wasn’t easy.  I had an extra border you see.  One that wasn’t part of the gaggle I gave birth too  and very good at staying out of sight even though he was responsible for 98% of the mishaps in the house.

Whenever I asked my kids who did any given infraction the unanimous answer was

Not Me!

I tell them one of them had to have done it, question them one by one and still it’s Not Me.   One day after a particularly frustrating day I told them;

Not Me does not live here!

At which they all look at each other and smile like I have no idea what I am talking about.  Well I surely do.  I know all about Not Me and his insidious doings

Not Me:

  • Makes messes and doesn’t clean them up
  • breaks things and hides them from detection
  • dresses the dogs up like baby dolls
  • spills milk on the rug
  • breaks windows
  • draws on walls usually with something permanent
  • doesn’t flush the toilet
  • forgets to run the dishwasher
  • puts clean clothes on the floor of the laundry room instead of bringing them in
  • heck puts wet clothes from the washer on top of the dryer in stead

The list goes on and on.  Not Me drives me batty .   Not Me can not have done everything that is wrong.

I am big on personal accountability.  If you do it own it.  It takes too much energy and brain power to think up excuses and lies, and once you blame Not Me, thee is no going back without bad feelings all the way around.

The next time I had to confront my kids with an issue where I needed them to own up and I got the same round of Not Me’s …I very calmly looked at them and said

Not Me does not live here anymore, nor is he welcome back.  I found where he was hiding and I kicked him out and then sprayed Not Me repellent all around the house.  So it is impossible that Not Me did this because Not Me is gone..

They  all got big eyes, looked at each other and immediately began pointing fingers at each other.  Sigh.  Well it is still better than Not Me.

One thing that Not Me does that pisses me off to no end and that I sometimes forget about is think he can read people’s minds.  Not Me causes people to do things they later won’t want to own up to and say they did it for your own sake.  For example:

a text I got went along the lines of,;   We are through.  Don’t contact me again.  It’s what YOU WANT so that’s how it will be.

Hey Jerkface, NEWSFLASH;  you don’t know what I want, you aren’t a mind reader, that’s Not Me, if I wanted it I would have done it myself.  Nice try.  It’s All You.  (who happens to be a cousin of Not Me but we don’t need to discuss All You today.

So the sneaky little bastard found a way back in..  Well not for long.  He needs to get the hell out of my house and stay out!!

6 thoughts on “Not Me Needs to Get The Hell Out of My House!

  1. Ha Ha! I remember when Not Me lived at my house too! I love that you sprayed the house with Not Me repellent. I think you should invent that and sell it! I bet it would be a big hit with moms everywhere! And I’m only half kidding!

    I am in awe at your finding time to write with all you must have going on around there! Sounds like lots of happy chaos!

    1. Interesting point about the repellent. The mere mention of it to my kids had them back peddling quite quickly. I use repellent whenever necessary. My almost 5 yo was afraid of werewolves a few weeks ago. And so the werewolf repellent had been sprayed ……. generic monsters, Anything that needs banishing from the house.One of the beauties is that they have blind trust and don’t need to actually witness the application but I will bet that there are kids who do…. hmmmmm. I will have to put some thought into this.
      I am a firm believer that to kids, these fears are real and just saying they aren’t doesn’t do the trick. Didn’t work for me when I was a kid. I felt like I was being dismissed and belittled. No one believed me and I would cry myself to sleep in fear sometimes. Ug kinda chokes me up now. I swore I would always find another way to make my kids less afraid. They will find out eventually that there are no such things as werewolves and such, but until then it is as real to them as they themselves are.
      I write mostly at night. Late lol.

    1. Thank you! I am thinking of a Not Me awareness week….I’d say month but that is a kinda lofty goal for the first year. The star of the week being of course…Not Me! Going for a red ribbon I am thinking. I will have to check it out.

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