I feel like someone popped my birthday balloon. Stole my lollipop, pissed in my Wheaties and ran away laughing.
Yeah it’s like that. I am stunned and numb and I feel like I have been cheated. I have been fooled. My whole life long I have been walking around with toilet paper on my shoe and nobody told me..
I am a curious person. I like to know why. If I know of something or I am asked to do something or somebody is doing something, I want to know why. I have to know why just to keep my world in order. I conceptualize where I fit into the scheme of things by knowing the explanation things. The more I know about the wheres and whys the more comfortable I feel. For example, if my 16 yo comes into my room and sits down and says ” I love you Mom,” my firt response is “Why?” It sounds a little callous but I have learned with him that usually precedes something that he wants from me or to do for him. He of course acts all butthurt and sits there awhile longer but ..wait for it…wait for it……”Mom can I…” there it is and all is right with my world. I tell you that if he ever wanted to mess up my mojo, all he would have to do is walk in and say “Mom I love you” and when I ask why simply shrug his shoulders and walk out the door. So don’t anybody tell him.
I guess it is more of a need to just understand and why is the way to find out.
The people in the world who expect that when they issue a command it will be followed without question are usually driven beyond frustration by me. I am not quite certain how I survived the Army and can only think it was because I stifled the need to say why because of a couple of things. To state the obvious, your don’t question orders in the military unless they are total hooey bunk and then if you do you better have some proof. The other being that I didn’t understand this about myself until just a few years ago. If I had whenn I was 20 I am quite sure I would have never even entertained the idea of the military. I got pretty good at mumbling at stupidity and because I was good at it I didn’t get into too much trouble and did it for 6 years.
Incidentally I am quite sure the constant question of why probably makes me seem distrustful and paranoid. I am neither . As I have said before, I am gullible and even knowing this about myself I rarely think someone is trying to pull a fast one on me. It makes me a target no doubt for those who prey on people like me, including my friends when they need some entertainment but it is me. Trust is something I give freely to those I love and I do everything in my power to keep my heart open. I probably give too many chances but I do have a line. The rest of the world in general I take things with a grain of salt but am always more inclined to believe that which supports my ideal of the basic goodness of human beings.
What I am about to tell you may be alarming or unbelievable to some but I assure you, it is the truth. I have never questioned what I hear on the news . Or if the government is investigating something, the final word is how it is. That is not to be confused with not thinking intelligently about it but I was more along the lines of having an opinion and then if the “TRUTH” was not what I thought I was a little befuddled but that was that. I never said well why? And in a nutshell, I never questioned the validity of the history we were taught or that was unfolding right in front of us on tv. This is the United States of America for Pete sake. Land of the FREE home of the brave. The First Amendment protects our right to free speech and free press so there should be no reason to lie.
Conspiracy theories? A bunch of hooey bunk usually brought on by people with too much time on their hands and the inability to trust or have faith. Faith in democracy and all the freedoms it provides. No censorship of the media, no cover-ups by the government, no re-writing of history. I did not question the validity of any of it because there just really isn’t any reason to. Is there. I understand the little subterfuges on a smaller level, the CYA BS that politicians do but never, not once, have I entertained the idea that it could happen on a massive level of being designed and for the purpose of misleading the whole entire country.
What I found out today completely shattered my trust and my ideals. My daughter and I were talking. I have noticed that since my post about ignorance being my bliss, she has made it a point to tell me something I don’t want to know at least everyday. And it isn’t random shit to put in my book. She is paying attention apparently. Today it went like this:
18yo: did you know there is an alien base on the moon? It is the reason we have never landed on the moon again.
me: Huh? what are you talking about.
18yo: Yeah The aliens said if we ever came back they would destroy Earth.
me: That is a bunch of hooey bunk where di you hear that.?
me: Oh . YouTube. well then….
18yo: No Mom really. There is a video of Neil Armstrong talking about it. He gives hints because the government and NASA covered it up. But think about it Mom, why else would we not have gone back in all these years?
me: Neil Armstrong? THE Neil Armstrong? The astronaut Neil Armstrong? He is on YouTube saying that we haven’t gone back because there are aliens there? Huh?
18yo: YES Mom. Look it up.
At which point we commenced to watching YouTube and I must say, some of the pictures and videos, it is pretty convincing. Enough so that I am speechless (that is why I am late posting this tonight…I had been rendered mute.) It isn’t so much the aliens. They don’t bother me. After all the moon landing was the year I was born and I haven’t seen them yet. It is the fact that someone in the higher-ups thought we the American people would not be able to handle the truth and covered it up. Now I wonder about so many other things….JFK, Martin Luther King Jr. Marilyn Monroe, weapons of mass destruction, ….It is too much. The betrayal. I am hurt.
I find myself wanting to protest something publicly! To march on ..uh the places people march on when they feel dissent. (had to think twice about saying that big house where the big guy lives. I don’t want to get tagged as a fanatic or something.) I want to loudly y proclaim my unhappiness and demand an explanation . I am lost. My world has been knocked wonky.
I am thinking I want to build a time machine and go back in time and bear witness to the events that supposedly are only what the government wants us to think they are. when I come back I will announce the truth . I will ……I don’t know what I will do. I do know I would need to remember to bring my camera. My luck the battery would be dead but that brings up an interesting point. We have cameras and Video recorders now and internet for instant information sharing. Surely that ought to keep the ones who try to cover up the truth in check?
Anyways, barring the time machine to go back and bear witness, I guess one that would take me back to this morning would suffice. to before I knew this horrible thing. If it wouldn’t be pushing it I could go back to before Angry Birds too.
Simpler times. I bet I can find instruction how to build a time machine on YouTube.com.