Hey look!
LOOK! We made it to another Friday. Oh I should do a new Friday sign. Well not should but I want to. Yo know what they say though.
You don’t?
Can;t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
That was a tangent for sure. I don;t even remember what I was talking about. Probably because I wasn’t talking about anything much yet ya think?
Ok well let us remedy that because isn’t that what you are here for?
Or…you saw the word intimate and thought women’s unmentionables? small cafe or….what else? Oh!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
well have a seat since you are here, and let’s get on to
Today’s Mental Moment…
about intimacy and being intimate.
Well it;s not exactly what you think, I have a thought that I would like to share. About why people often feel like there is something missing in their relationships.
What do I know, I’m not in one. Well see I don;t just mean a significant other although that is typically where it is usually felt to be a lacking there of in and so forth and…stuff.
First I want you to wipe your mind of what you think intimacy is. I bet most of you think it has to do with s…e…x…
Right, but more like wrong. there are several definitions of intimate and intimacy that get overlooked in favor of the popular one of …the privacy of a couple’s relationships. We all understand when someone says that a couple is intimate, or what intimate apparel is and we seem to have equated getting naked and rolling in the hay as intimacy and not really taken a look any farther than that.
I am of the mind that you can get naked with someone and roll in the hay and not be overly intimate. Not in the sense I am trying to impart to you today. Aren’t you glad you have me to muck things up a bit here and there?
I know. You are welcome.
Did you know intimate is also a verb? Well I didn;t until I looked it up so even if 98% of you knew that, someone else didn’t either.
Being naked in front of someone is intimate because you don’t stand naked in front of too many people. I mean hopefully. Wouldn;t bother me a bit but there are standards and stuff. but you can be intimate with someone and not have intimacy.
Consider This:
intimate; n. (Intimacy) An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It can be defined by these characteristics: enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment, and need fulfillment.
Working with that definition, which is one of I think 6, what I get out of that is you can have an intimate relationship with anybody. Considering the requisite characteristics I would have to say that one of the easiest way to destroy an intimate relationship is by betrayal or breaking your intimate other’s trust. You cant continue to be intimate, not the same as it was if you suddenly find out you are betrayed.
It would seem that true intimacy and Integrity might be personally related. I mean do you think you can have a truly intimate relationship if you are not integrious? I am thinking they are at least first cousins.
For example, two lovers and they are intimate in every sense of the word. I mean I did state lovers but they are also say best friends. Soul mates, they can be married if you want. But the idea I want to get across is that these two people are as close as possibly can be and as intimate as it gets.
Let’s say one of them strays for whatever ridiculous reason – I am going extreme here to make it clearer. For me too. I am working this out on the fly.
They realize they made a mistake and thank goodness their spouse doesn;t ever find out but after that both parties feel like something has changed, something is missing, there is a wall, a distance that wasn;t there before.
You think well why? The cheater didn;t get caught so there is no betrayal. But here is the problem. This partner that was formerly open and honest and completely intimate with their spouse now has a pretty big secret, one that if found out will for sure change their relationship even more. Probably destroy it, or it as they knew it to be.
So why aren;t things just the same? Because when you have a secret, or you hide part of yourself or tell a lie, especially to someone who you have an intimate relationship to, you do in effect put up a sort of wall. Because the cheater knows and has to kind of be on guard, therefore not as open and ….
da da da daaaaaaaa
Intimate as before.
There is no we in intimacy, there is 2 I’s and y? Because it takes only one to change the level of intimacy and the relationship.
Be it friendship, or love or any close interpersonal relationship. the minute you or the other person changes the level of sharing, the level of intimacy changes. And both parties get cheated out of a deeply fulfilling and special kind of companionship.
It’s why I carry my scissors behind my back when I am naked, but if I truly want an intimate relationship, I am all about full disclosure on that or anything else. Just saying.
And I am willing to accept that I may be way off base on this one – but it makes sense to me and for sure you all will be putting a moment or two extra thought into your intimate relationships
Right?
To Your Mental State, Whatever it May be
Running Naked With Scissors 
You are absolutely right. Secrets can crush intimacy. Or amplify it, which can seem suspicious.
oh I never thought of that angle… its almost as if you are trying too hard? Um not you I mean the amplifier is trying too hard? And intimacy really cannot be contrived and be true… it would seem anyways
Right – anything that is suddenly different seems suspicious most of the time.
I wonder if I would think of things like that if I actually did these more than 15 mins before I posted them. I might actually be…profound or something. I get what you are saying and once the suspicion is up the trust is gone and poof..what intimacy
It’s harder to think of things when you’re writing something than when you’re reading something.
Besides, I like your spontaneity.
thank you. It’s somethimg I appreciate in your writing too… now if you tell me that The Morning Scenes orrrr the DMD post were planned I am gonna be …I dunno.. you just write what you are thining for the mot part dont you..and awesome poetry
I hardly ever plan anything. Or edit it.
me either but i haven’t just gone with it for awhile either or …well.. i don’t remember…even your poetry?.
My poetry is the least edited of all the things I write.
I am amazed by that – completely amazed but after I thought about it I am not anymore….ok kidding after thinking about it that is as it should be I suppose — I never write poetry unless it pops into my head just that way… I have to edit those quite a bit though – which is why there isn;t much poetry here… so I am just blabbering on today – but when I consider some of the poem I have read of yours and then that they were in your head just so – or mostly – yea…still totally amazed…
To me, intimacy is born of a certain intensity in relating, and when the walls go up or if they never come down, that is when I feel something lacking. You’re right, I’m thinking more about my intimate relationships, but what if my sharing is too honest and direct?
I don;t think it can be for true intimacy…just as integrity is based on truth o too is intimacy and I dunno – I get what you mean about too honest and direct – but I think if you just be who you are then there will be someone that gets that and maybe gives it in return. I guess I understand what you are saying but I don;t know how to answer – I am a romantic – I think it happens and when its right its …easier than if its wrong.
I am a romantic, too….I have it, it’s easy, but with friends, they seem concerned with being polite rather than direct with me, and I need the honesty.
me too! and then some people are totally spooked by the directness cause – I mean like dating – I just say what I feel and if I am cool with someone and comfortable but they get all omg she wants to marry me…and then just disappear..but I can;t change – wont anymore..it is hard though cause even with friends you can say hey – this is me but when it IS you lol they are sueamish too… nobody wants to feel their feelings anynore and I cant stop – no without meds and they make me not me…I hate this illness but I am like you about the artistic part and I am convinced there has to be more favorable or at least equal to the bad… but it is so hard to have so much love to give – so much affection and no one wants it….sorry kinda dopey..
Very true . I could not keep anything from Dave , he knows me too well – and if I did everything would be .. wrong I guess. Great post Lizzie !!! Xx Kel
thanks 🙂
You’re right Lizzie, there is a lot more to intimacy than just sex. Any 2 people can have sex. It becomes intimate when you share yourself with another person – your feelings, goals, trust & all the rest. Then it becomes intimate.
and less complicated. Now there is a thought that I would like to put in a moment… intimacy is less complicated than um.. not. I think that people have a gazillion excuses to not share themselves..casual sex is one of them.they substitute that for true intimacy . If that’s what soneone is looking for then great but don;t think you got all mushy sharey just cause ya got naked right? On the flip side – someone looking for that deep connection can be left completely empty…
Wonderfully done Lizzie. You are exactly right by the way. Secrets change everything within a relationship. Anger does as well.
yes it does.. and its a bit of where I get my belief that cheaters cheat themselves… I should start writing down how these pop into my head huh? I used to always know but when they are in succession I forget..
I found this to be not only entertaining but very good logic. I agree with your post completely. That is why it just pays to be honest in the first place right? 😉
exactly 🙂 so much inner conflict can be resolved with honesty…
One of the best parts of my relationship with my girl is that the fact she trusts me is so important to me, it makes it even easier to avoid doing anything I would have to keep secret from her.
But I’m still a big fan of sex with intimacy.
Just sayin…
Oh yea..me too. I am learning a lot about myself this year.
I am sitting here working on a thought – smoke is starting to come out of my ears… re: the trust and how important it is to you … I had it but lost it…dammit cause it was a good point that you brought up there…
It is easy to tell when the ‘intimacy’ has gone and if wise we will communicate and find out why..if we don’t already know that is…and then decide what to do about it….Diane
yes I think ignoring it is just not wanting to accept