Who the HECK Made ME a MOTHER? and other really dumb ideas.

ideas

ideas (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Wow –  am almost tempted to just Twitter that and forget the expanding on an idea thing but it’s too late now.  Besides I think it is more than 140 characters and I don’t need to struggle with that brand of inadequacy today too….

Let’s not get technically correct and/or literal I know WHO – it’s not like I got a Gaggle of bastards with no daddy running around here.  I know which ones belong to which DNA contributor…

But that is using the word bastard as it is defined in the dictionary.  If you wanna go with its popular, common, trendy (pick one please) use….  I could be tempted to possibly say that one …. nah I won’t say it – dumb idea. Is bastard a word that will knock me out of Freshly Pressed consideration?

When it comes to the warm fuzzy parts of motherhood – love and stuff..I got that covered – in fact I am the best Mom there is …ever!

NO no no…do not try to argue the point.  You may THINK you are the best mom ever BUT I KNOW I am and unless you have more than 6 little loves (yea count em ! HA! ) with at least half of their DNA mix coming from you that tell you every day – you got nothing on me.  Besides… I really need you to just go with it ..just give me this ONE MOMENT (please? my Mom confidence points are kind of low ya know?) 

OK make that 5 because I got one here that thinks I am here solely for the purpose of …I don’t know that he thinks I have any purpose.  To hear him tell it, I am pointless, my job is stupid, my blog is a waste of time and I am just an all around failure, loser,  no good ….  I don’t need to go on do I?  OH yeah add Crazy – that is a favorite.

16 yo woke up one day acting like he slept in a

Holiday inn logo

Holiday Inn Express, in Hell.

Every opportunity to get a dig in edgewise – he is on it. The boy is bright – damn near genius in fact … and stuck in I’m grown and you can’t tell me anything about life because what do you know?  phase and I am in I love my kid but I don’t like him much. land

Is there some Mommy law that says I have to?  Then why do I feel so horribly terrible that he infuriates me to the point of not even wanting to talk to him….

This is the kid who had such horrible separation anxiety that when I worked at the daycare and he went there, -because the reason to work at a day care if you have kids, is to get free daycare so that your hard-earned paycheck does not got to paying the daycare you must have because you have to work because you are a single mom with 2 small kids – that I had to duck down every time I went by the viewing window of his room because if he saw me, he would lose it.
The kid who once drew a purple astronaut that I still have.  - that’s another story for some other day – The one kid I have who , if I didn’t know for damn sure came out of my….anyways I couldn’t even try to say he isn’t mine.  He looks enough like me that my younger kids saw a picture of me when I was in the Army and thought it was him.

Not quite sure how to take that one  but I have had a couple of his school pictures that startled me so much – it was like looking at myself over the years.  He doesn’t really know what to do with that one either.

The only kid who was home with me all summer and we had some really good talks and times and bonding moments.  The kid who has the highest IQ – hands down, of any of  them.  He could get B’s without any effort at all, and he makes less than any effort and isn’t even in school right now.

The kid who has potential oozing from him – smart, mostly funny, brilliant on the guitar,(amazingly brilliant, nearly capital B-type)  good-looking, the whole package.  He could rule the world if he used his powers for good.

And he is lost.  I recognize that and resemble it more than any other thing with him.  He is so lost.  

Is it a requirement that teenage boys go through the know-it-all my mom is stupid and pointless mode?  He has a good friend that is so polite and respectful and helpful and it turns out, treats his own mother like shit.  It’s no wonder they don’t want us to meet and compare notes.  This kid’s mom loves my son and said she would take him any day.

Really?  Are we talking about my son are you sure?  Cause that doesn’t sound like him lately..

Whose dumb idea was it to have them go through this stage when they need their moms the most?

Whose dumb idea was it to put me in charge of sending out – and leading the search party for this kid?  I get the lost.. I know lost.  But I don’t know where to look anymore.

Whose dumb idea was it to have this kid, the one that is more me than not, be the one kid  - be just like me ?

I want my sweet loving little boy back.  I want the hugs and kisses, the talks, the recognition.

I want to save him.  I want him to save me.

Whose dumb idea was it to let mother’s care so much even when we don;t want to.  I still do nice things for him.  Bring him food, buy him a treat… try to talk to him.

Ok I admit, not so much lately talking,  because I usually  get nothing  but grief.  And the insults and digs – coming from anyone else, I am rubber...RUBBER boinggggg ….

From him..well not so much.

Somebody really wasn’t thinking when they made me a mother.  (besides the obvious of me and the dad )  

It’s like they got some new innovative (note to self remove innovative from vocabulary. explain later)  idea up there in the fate department.  Oh, grand experiment – let’s see what happens…  DUMB IDEA!  

I am good Mom – not the best, not the worst.  

Giving them to me for kids – great idea.

Giving me to them for a mom?  -

I won’t say it was a dumb idea.  I love them fiercely and completely and achingly and that can right many wrongs. Getting a fun mom, a goofy mom isn’t the worst lot in life. Even cracked, disorganized and aimlessly wandering mom is something they can bounce back from.  I love them, accept them, listen to them and try not to embarrass them to much.  Unless it’s on purpose because they need a reality check on the attitude.

Nothing says straighten up like Veggietales belted at maximum volume. slightly off-key when the friends are around.

VeggieTales

But  I don’t like them all the time. 

Which isn’t a dumb idea on closer examination, it’s life.  It’s real.

Separating from mothers is actually what NEEDSto be done and I know that the attitude and the blustery snotty complete opposition  - mutiny is what it is  -to me all of a sudden,  is partly him growing up.  Why he is so nasty about it I don’t know yet.  It couldn’t be part of the that which  I so richly deserve .. or my comeuppance or Karma.  That’s just dumb.

And whoever up there in the Office of the Powers That Be said it had to be hard and painful and …did I say painful yet?  Whoever decided that I should be a mom x 6 and have to go through 3 boy things and 3 girl things from birth to grown, give and take some years - you suck!  

I got a dumb idea with your name on it so beware..when I can turn my attention to you…in 20 years when they are all grown and on their own, I will be doing just that.

It was a dumb idea to raise the age of maturity.  What happened to 7?  I mean really.  18 is marginal but kids these days ..4o ish is ridiculous.  Babies having babies.  Dumb. And dumber.

Thinking that just because I don’t like Mr. Know it all Smarty Pants right now, means I don’t love him with every bit of my being, and that I will give up on him has to be the number one DUMBEST IDEA you ever had.  SO quit trying.

I got Will of my own – you gave it to me.  With capital W emphasis no less. 

(bet you think that was a pretty dumb idea huh?) 

idea
not so bright now are ya?
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15 responses to “Who the HECK Made ME a MOTHER? and other really dumb ideas.

  1. I feel like that in a way. Like who’s idea was it to give a person a sick as I am a baby that is just as sick as I am? What a mess. So frustrating when she is in misery and so am I. I feel powerless. But love outweighs all of that and I love her to death. She has a nasty attitude even though she’s only 1, but we’ll work on it. Great post.

    • ya know I often wonder if I had known ten what i know now – if that is where I woulda made changes and then get all messed in the head about well gee then this one or that one wouldn’t be here or whatever. I was flying by the seat of pants for the first 15 years of motherhood – well I still am – but I am driving these pants now and as … regretful that I may have given some other human beings – my children – what i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, I know what I am working with now and I think I am a better mom for that knowledge. I bet you are too just because being aware you are also aware of being sure they see as little of it. or suffer form as a little of it as possible. Ask for help when ya need it – love her and don’t let anybody tell you you shouldn’t have her! Ever.

  2. I love you already, Lizzie! Alot of days I don’t like my flesh eaters, but I love them to pieces! And I will admit to you that the days I don’t like myself, are the days I don’t like them either. For some reason those two things go hand in hand. Keep up the good work and check out Kevin Lemens book called ‘ Have ANew Teenager By Friday’ and lemme know what you think!

    • I’m cute I’m cute she thinks I’m cute! Oh wait .. I thought about that the he’s like me I don’t like him so maybe I din’t like me – eh… I dunno
      I was soooooo ready for the girl problems cause I knew I had it comin :-) Thought I fooled em I did – but no they gotta put a me in a he only 100 times worse – ok 10/. I will def check out the book and thanks for the Love! :-)

  3. Having been the boy thing, keep being you. He sees it, and it makes an impression and he’ll be thankful for it later.
    As for you, Rock on, lizziec. Sounds like you are doing more than anyone could expect.
    First round’s on me.
    (but not the donuts)
    (because I’m eating them)
    (yes, all of them)
    (fine. you can have one)
    (hey! I said one- no, you can also have the other two you already licked)
    (sigh)

      • Oh I was gonna offer her I donut I didn’t lick. ;-) She’s a mom she’s probably used to it. But guess what Ginger you are in Luck cause here is a sprinkle donut that was in my purse – lick free though.. all yours :-)

    • thanks for the uplift – you are The Dude who Abides in such a cool dudely way! And thanks for the donut fix – nothing like a donut at well….anytime of the day! (sorry bout licking them :???: I didn’t think you’d notice ) so I’ll buy the first round to make it fair.

      Ya know what really chaps my ass is the same thing that probably pissed my parents off – he is fricking smart – he comes from 2 very smart people who both skated through skool but I skated in 10th grade – buckled down in 11th averaged out in 12th and managed to graduate get into college, and at least have another 10-15 good years before I tanked with a crash of astronomical proportions… His teachers loved him, he got A’s if he just showed up for gosh sakes.. he is inquisitive and his dad has certain things that he wants of him that aren’t him so I recognize the rebellion..oh yes I surely do – but that is why I let him be him. It’s the attitude of thinking that he can judge me – my life and because he finds it lacking and me not up to super mom standards..it’s ok for him to tank. I can’t make him see that the difference between loser me and loser him is 20 plus years … I use the term loser me loosely for illustrative purposes :-) at least me… ok that was wrong.. OUt of all my kids I kept an eye on him because i know him – and I don’t know how I lost him… He was the one who loved me the most. I guess the higher they are the harder they fall huh… ok – i’m ready for another round- you? :-)

  4. Oh my gosh! This is a masterpiece on Motherhood, Lizzie! I raised my hand on every single thing! Me .me. me. yeah .my kid. my kid. my kid. I have two daughters and one son. I used to joke that my son was a wealth of misinformation! It’s so hard when boys get into this stage. For awhile when my son was about a Jr. in high school, the only topic we could talk about (nicely) was The Simpsons. The Simpsons saved our relationship back then and I will always love that show because of it! It was a really hard time though. Motherhood is a paradox. Our biggest hope is that someday they’ll grow up and be out on their own and our biggest sadness is that someday they’ll grow up and be out on their own!

    • Well that gives me hope :-) Funny that 16 yo would probably get a kick out of this blog – I have made him sit through reading a couple of posts – and it would have been a great common ground. Its just weird to go from being on the same wave length on so much to – NOTHING… I am quite certain there is a reason nobody fills us in on the truth about motherhood before we become mothers – who would volunteer for this crap?
      I will have to consider th Simpsons in a different light… Thanks :-)

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